


Normal Is A Social Construct

by User0126



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Big brother Deidara, Canon Divergence, Dick Jokes, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fancy Suits, Gen, Hidan (Naruto) Swears, I dont usually do tags help i came from wattpad, Kai gets awkward nicknames, Naruto insert Oc, Obito is called a simp repeatedly, Samehada exists and she's free thinking and existing, Sasori roasts Kai, The Author Regrets Nothing, Timeline Fuckery, Trans major character, Trans!OC, Wholesome transness, a lot.but he gets a pass. he's hidan, baki gets screen time, bisexual deidara, bitch slapping the bijuu, butterfly effect is a bitch, cinnamon toast kai, dango shop scene, dont let the tags fool you, eventual Doctor!Sasori, gaara smiles, gender euphoria, good ol fun, good yagura, her name is carlie, if its happy odds are someone's gonna invade at the end, kai doesn't sleep, kai gets burnt in more ways than one, konan being a mom, madara and obito bashing, mama konan has my heart, no beta we die like men, obito bashing, sasori actually uses his medical skills, sasori jokes are made, so much of it, the akatsuki is a dysfunctional family, there is still a plot, there's a gay cousin, tuesdays dont go well, what the fuck is the replacement word for that, whatever she makes for good comedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:14:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 33,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27477868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/User0126/pseuds/User0126
Summary: "Uh, do you mind handing me that knife real quick?""You just showed up at our village doorsteps, with torn clothes, covered in your own blood. You think we're giving you weapons?""I meant for cutting this fucking mop off. I've been waiting for the past four years to do that."In which a nineteen-year-old finds himself in another world after a major accident.With one issue. The ever-looming threat of death.And the fact he's transgender, in a universe where "transgender" isn't even a word.
Relationships: none yet but i might make one later
Comments: 17
Kudos: 35





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm rather proud of this.

(prologue)

I lean back in my swivel chair, sighing. Why did I decide to take this elective again? Oh right. Because I was convinced it was an easy A. Goddammit, why do I still let Carlie have a say in what I do? 

Whatever the reason, I'd managed to land myself into an engineering elective. I don't even want to be an engineer.

But here I am, stuck coding a micro board for part of my senior year's work. For god's sake, we're using electricity, and I don't mean the kind in those "lemon batteries".

I mean my eighth-period Robotics teacher genuinely gave a bunch of high school seniors a few pieces of metal, a couple of wires, and a battery pack, and told us to go wild.

Which he followed up with:

"This is a major assessment, which determines the rest of your grade."

Fuck my life. We already had the ACT and SAT's. I thought that mattered more. Now, It's midnight on a Friday, and I'm gluing a few wires down to a green board.

Nice to meet you.

I'm Jared, 19, and I never learned how to read.

I'm kidding.

My name is Caden. I'm 18, nearly 19. I have a whopping total of three friends, one of which you've heard of. Call me a loner, I'd say I'm proud.

Oh, and I'm trans. But that doesn't matter too much. I prefer to think of myself as "one of the guys".

I'm interested in very few things. One of them is being an AP student. Another is manga. That's nearly it. 

I am *very* boring. Which may have been the reason behind the lack of friends, now that I think of it.

God, I sound like I've just filled out a form for one of those "get to know you" days. Oh, how I despise them. You can tell a teacher will baby you if that's the first form handed out. It's foolproof. Trust me.

Now, for what I'm sure you're waiting on. The whole "I nearly die" part.

It's a prologue. I'm saving that for later.

But, In the meantime, buckle your fucking seatbelts. 

It'll be a wild ride.


	2. Chapter One: Caden Plus Electricity

"FUCKING. HELL!"

This is the third time I've burnt myself. I am never taking an electricity-related elective again. The fingertips of my dominant hand are nearly scorched from all the shocks they've gotten. 

To all those who've never worked with wires and metal, if there's one thing to be careful about, it's conductivity.

Metal, you see, has this 'amazing' property called conductivity. It just loves to carry two things.

Heat, and electric current. Both of which I'm dealing with currently. Odds are, I woke my mom up.

"Katie?"

It's Caden.

"Yeah, mom?

"What have I said about swearing? You know I don't allow that. It's unbecoming of a young woman."

Man. Mom. I'm a man.

"Yes, Mother."

I intend every word of that phrase to be cynical. Extremely cynical.

"And aren't you supposed to be asleep? I said to stop cramming that project..."

"Mom, it's fine. It's a Friday anyway. I wouldn't be asleep at this hour any other Friday."

I sigh. She's a traditionalist. Or a transphobe. I can't even tell.

"Remind me why you took Carlie's word and said "It would be easy" again?"

"Mom, at this rate, I won't get it done. Just let me be, alright?"

"If you insist."

She leaves the room. When I graduate, I'm going somewhere far, far, away. Maybe even another country if I can. I hear the UK is nice this time of year. That and Canada. Wonder if they accept foreign kids.

Whatever. I'm spacing again. 

I grab another wire I was working with, heating the metal of the board, and placing it down.

No burns this time. Phew. 

I think this panel is just about finished. Only seventeen more to go. Luckily enough, I remembered to label them and the positions of each one. 

If this doesn't get me a passing grade, I'm suing.

I open the back hatch of my (very makeshift) robot, which is really just a metal box with legs and a head (the arms are still in progress). I take a glance at my nearby mirror.

God, my eyebags look fucking designer. I desperately need a nap. Or a coma. 

Both would be appreciated, quite frankly. Curse you, Mr. Witmer.

Alrighty, Caden. Third one down. I set it in with hot glue, being careful not to burn myself this time.

I hear a knock from what I assume to be my bedroom window. I'm right. 

It's Carlie, clinging to my house's brick, perched on my windowsill, begging me to open up.

Of course, I follow that request. She climbed up here. That's no easy feat. I live in a second-story apartment, after all.

"Mornin, sunshine. Someone could use a coffee kick at this ungodly hour."

"Carlie. How and why are you here?"

"I'm an engineering major. I know when your phone is on. Not to mention the three "oh for fuck's sakes" I've heard in the last couple hours."

"God, Carlie. I thought I said no more stalking me."

"Hey, if it's for your own good, it's not stalking. Now. I have your favorites. Black coffee from Dunkin, hashbrowns, and a Boston creme donut."

"Carlie..."

"Shut up, Caden. I'm here as your replacement mom. And you don't need to pay me back. I have a job, you don't."

"I meant the window. Isn't that kind of dangerous?"

"Oh please. I pierced my own septum at fourteen. I think I can deal with a little window. Plus, colonial-styled brick? Those usually stick out. It's easy to climb."

She chuckles.

"If you say so. Now, how the hell do I get this done?"

"Ah, the ol' Witmer, eh? First of all, get some gloves. I can tell you weren't screaming over a video game. Second of all, you're doing great, actually."

She gives me a look.

I take a sip from the coffee and a bite from the donut.

"Mom's got you riled up again, huh? Don't let her bother you, Cay. She's just old, and hey. You've only got another three weeks left, then you're legally allowed to move in with me. I'm sure Allie would like you."

She's got another look in her eyes. The suspicious kind.

"Everyone just says that, Carlie. That it'll all be over quick enough. I doubt it. I know my mom. She'll do all she can to stop me. She insists on calling me by that name, you know."

I sigh.

"That's why I got you a little something. Look in the bottom of that bag, Cay."

I look down, and surely enough, Carlie really did surprise me. There's a tank top in the bag, along with a pin.

"I'm assuming you know the purpose of that tank top?" 

Carlie gives me a sly look. She's planning.

"You can't be serious. No way in hell did you do what I think you did."

"Oh hell yes, I did. Kiddo, we both know you aren't wearing the women's uniform to your graduation. And with that, comes my need to steal and burn those ace bandages. You know it's unhealthy. So, I got you the real thing."

I can't believe my eyes. She got me a real ass binder. Sure, mom is gonna be pissed, but who cares?

I run over and hug Carlie as hard as I can.

"Caden, calm down a bit! Don't kill my ribs!"

"Sorry, I'm just a bit excited."

"I'm kidding, Cay. Do whatever you want. Put that sucker on."

And this is why I love my cousin. I swear, she's an angel.

"Now. Get back to work. You've got some stuff to do."

She waves goodbye before hopping out my window and back into her car.

I focus myself again, in a brand new binder, looking at my now-flat chest. The goddamn euphoria is getting to me.

Now, here's where the fun starts. Allow me to list a few hindrances that may have lead to this:

Three hours of sleep

A cup of black coffee with extra espresso

My Adrenaline powered brain 

Wires.

The general hyperactivity that comes with coffee and happiness.

oh, and electricity.

So, me being the idiot I am decided to take a swing at another circuit board, with all of the symptoms above.

Same steps as last time. Take a wire, take your sotering tool, melt that fucker down, repeat.

Something about my sleepless brain decided to fuck up said wires. Don't ask how. My sleepless self will never tell, but something went wrong with my fourth circuit board. Very wrong.

Of course, I thought "why not test it". The robot, after all, was supposed to move. This part, in particular, worked with the lights of the head, which turned on and off.

So, being the idiot I am, I pressed that button on the homemade controller (which took me several hours before this).

Let me tell you, I am never working this late again. The second I pressed it, nothing happened. 

So I pressed it again. And when nothing happened, I did it for the third time. 

That's when I heard the fizzle. Just a small crack of electricity. I'd thought to myself that it had short-circuited. Oh, how wrong I was.

That fizzle turned into a crack, which turned into more cracks, which turned into flashing lights, which blew a fuse in my house, which blew a fuse in the neighborhood, which created a flash, brighter than the last, which created what I could only assume to be a small rift, which pulled me in.

I know that makes no sense. I know that it's impossible for that to happen. But it happened to me. A tired me, who was more and more prone to stupid mistakes like these. Which blacked-out neighborhoods.

And oh how that rift worked. It pulled me to it, at first. 

But it only got worse. It burned, and itched, and tore at me like I was some sort of foreign object in a black hole.

Which I was.

The light came through the tunnel. I thought I had died. But in that amount of pain, death would have been a better alternative.

As for the light, it passed just as soon as it came.

And by that, I mean I got shot out of the sky and passed out.


	3. Chapter 3

Tw: Blood. (somewhat rushed and messy)

My first reaction to waking up was the fact that I could wake up. Doesn't sound all that astounding, but when you just fell from the sky, it really is.

My second thought was more of a question.

"Why's it so rough under my back"

To be precise.

Then came my register of heat. And with heat, came pain. A lot of pain.

From the feelings alone, I was half shredded, covered in cuts, bruised everywhere, and had a broken arm and rib.

And then I mustered up the strength to look down. I wasn't covered in small cuts. I was bleeding out.

To my side, the sand had started to turn a deep red. My binder was soaked thoroughly, and I mean it. It was nearly the only thing keeping my rib in place, along with a chest wound I seem to have acquired. My arms and legs were just as bloody, scarred, and generally messed up.

Then I had another thought.

Am I going to die here?

Who lives out here?

And best of all, Where am I?

From what I could see with my poor vision (I had a concussion, from the feeling of it), all there was, was sand. Just endless sand. Enough sand to make the Gobi Desert feel small.

So here I am. A survivor of a fall from the sky. Bleeding out on a bed of sand. If that isn't one hell of a way to go, I don't know what is.

And then my chest hurt. Not like the cuts. But a whole other world of 'hurt'. Like growing pains from your heart. Like tiny vines growing from a spot in my chest. 

And oh god, that wasn't the last of it.

The full intensity of the heat registered last. The sand was easily ten degrees over my body temperature, and it felt like taking a scalding bath of dust. Dust that grated on open wounds. Dust that would probably be my downfall.

I mean, glass is made of sand. And the easiest way I can describe it is as tiny glass pieces cutting you.

Mix all that with a massive headache, a bit of dizziness, and some extreme blurry vision, but only in one eye.

That's what I felt.

I could hear what I assumed to be wind, but the bells ringing in my ears vastly overpowered anything else I could hear. It wasn't long before I started seeing stars. Thank god I had a will.

Am I dead back home? Am I ever coming back? Is Carlie ok? Hell, is my mom ok? Did this affect them too?

I sure hope it didn't.

After the sudden thoughts of death and grief, what I assume to be the final stages of my demise, the fading in and out. At this point, I'd lost enough blood that it nearly killed me. So, I did the only logical thing.

Say my final few words and hope I didn't die.

I mean, if you were bleeding out in the sand, wouldn't you do the same?

I hear screaming. I feel someone.

It registers late, but I'm not dead. Someone, in this barren-ass desert, seems to have moved me. I'm not sure of where, but the burning in my back is gone, and I feel someone's hands in place of it.

Now, my exhausted, and very bloody self decides to call it quits. I lay back, and close my eyes. Fuck it. If I'm dying, I might as well just die.

I sigh to myself, before passing out.

Then the unthinkable happens. I wake up another day. Sure, I don't feel awake, and there's a blindfold over my eyes for whatever reason, but I can hear a beeping heart monitor, and whispers in a foreign language around me. Most of the pain is gone, but my chest still hurts.

Those same near vines that I felt earlier haven't decided to leave me yet. This time, it feels further down. I compare it more to roots growing than growing pains. I can hardly register what the voices say, but in what I hear, I know it's Japanese, and I can pick out a few words.

Sand. Blood. Death.

Not wrong at all, hospital folk. I very much nearly died in the sand from blood loss. Nothing more to it.

The rest just sounds like gossip, in all honesty. I hear snickers. 

Dammit, where are the subtitles when you need them?

I manage to open my eyes, realizing there wasn't a bandanna. Just a piece of gauze under my eye.

There's a guy in front of me. He's wearing a headwrap, and it's tie hangs off the side.

The part that gets me is the metal plate on his head. It's a fucking salt shaker.

I'm wracking my brain as to why someone would wear a saltshaker headband, before coming to a conclusion.

I legitimately hopped dimensions, or I'm at a cosplay convention.

I'd say the first option. And if I'm correct, that's a Naruto headband.

I said earlier that I enjoyed manga and anime. Naruto might just be the most easily recognizable anime on earth. 

However, it does have a special place in my heart.

I'm in somewhat panic mode, before I notice who's in front of me. If I'm not wrong, that's Gaara's teacher, Baki.

He's a lot scarier in real life...

He snaps in front of my face, before trying to talk to me, which I don't understand, of course.

And then he starts speaking English. Which scares me.

"Kid? You're not from here, are you? I'm not too good with this language, but we do use it on rare occasions..."

I try answering, and not to my surprise, it's hard to speak.

But not impossible.

"Yeah... I'm not from here."

I barely manage to croak that out. I have no idea how little water I've drank, but I'm assuming that's my voice issue.

"You were bleeding to death out there. Care to tell me how?"

I croak out another response, "It's.. a long...Story..."

"Let me get you a board. I don't think straining yourself with the conditions you were in works too well."

He gets up from beside me, leaving.

So, universe. One failed robotics project and you send me here. A place with child soldiers, and ninja magic.

I would have greatly preferred something a bit more, gentle, per se.

It takes him about five minutes to get a board.

"Here, kid. Start with a name."

I don't think my name works here, so in a spur of the moment idea, I write Kai.

I mean, it's simple.

"Alright. Next question. How'd you get those scars?"

I panic a bit, scribbling down "I got attacked".

I'm not wrong. The sky did attack me. 

"By who?"

I scribble down "I don't remember".

Hopefully, they can pass that off as a symptom of blood loss. Or the concussion.

"Now, I've got a bit bigger of a question. Why don't you have a working chakra system?"

This one I can't answer. I'm sweating.

"You don't know you didn't have one, do you? Don't worry, kid. I'm sworn to secrecy. I'd take a wild guess that the pain in your chest is just that. A system forming."

I scribble down another answer. "You're sure?"

"Very. My theory is that your body is adapting, albeit rather quick. I'm unsure of where you're from, but I know you fell. You left behind one hell of a crater."

I write back "I did?"

"Yes, yes you did. Now, I'd rest up kid. You've got quite a predicament on your hands. You'll be meeting our leader tomorrow to further discuss... And by the way, kid, call me Baki."

He looks exhausted. Then again, I'm assuming he's the one who carried my 135-pound body back here, limp and bleeding.

I lay back with a sigh.

Barely working chakra system. Meeting a kage in the morning.

The universe really did say "fuck you".


	4. Can You Hand Me That Knife? (Chapter three)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More of a character development chapter. Also, very boring detail explanation for all my new or rusty fans. Plus Gaara content.

I wake up to Baki shaking my shoulder (lightly, but it still hurt). Today I meet the Kazekage, and for all my newbies, or those who forgot who that is, he's a king, to be frank. His name may translate to sand shadow, but here, a Kage is a king.

Which scares the shit out of me. Because if Rasa is the current KazeKage, I have to deal with angry Gaara. And it Gaara is the current one, I have to deal with the Akatsuki. Neither of which I feel like doing. 

If Gaara is the Kage and has that god awful hair, I have to deal with his edge lord of a child.

Lose lose scenario for all involved. 

Note how I don't add peace time. We all know I'm not lucky enough to not be mid war or nearing war in a place where being a child soldier is an honor.

Will of fire my fucking ass. I decide to look on the bright side. At least you didn't end up in the mist. Or with Oreopedo. Even this is a better fate than that. 

You could say I'm a little scared. And by that I mean very. The pit in my chest still exists, and as per what Baki said, it's just gonna keep growing. Most people develop the system while still in the womb, but I am not in the womb, I am a high schooler, hence my discomfort.

Man, I wish this was one of those cliche fics where someone mysteriously (and painlessly, I may add) fucking falls here, has a full chakra system, and is some sort of god who knows every just jutsu in the book.

Too bad I'm not.

"Mornin, kiddo."

"Morning, Baki." I half groan.

"Your shoulder alright? And can you walk?"

He hands me the board again, and I scribble yes to both questions. 

"You sure? "

I scribble down "sort of".

To which he brings over a pair of crutches. I've been on these before, a few years ago actually. Carlie took me to one of her gyms (a parkour gym, of course), and I ended up breaking my left leg, somehow. My mother was pissed. 

I scribble to him "thanks."

He nods and chuckles. "No need for all the formality, kid."

I'd laugh if it didn't hurt. 

He helps me stand up and get on the crutches, and I start walking. He's guiding me, from what I assume. 

Truth be told, I have no clue where the mansion is. Or if this timeline even has one. I assume it does. Do crutches work in the sand?

"I think it'd be best to inform you about your particular situation. You'll be working with me for a while, primarily on your reserves and your abilities."

I nod, because I can't write.

"We'll go over the plan once we get there, kid. Don't worry about it."

So after what felt like a half a mile of crutch walking, we finally got there. Believe me, the underarm pain was bad, but bearable. Hopefully the Kazekage had chairs. I'd really like it if he did. 

Although Baki had managed to find me a ramp, which was quite nice. (Better than crutch walking a spiral staircase). 

"You ready kid?" He asked before knocking on the door.

I gave him a thumbs up and a nod. 

"Lord Kazekage? It's me, Baki."

"Come in."

Ok, that was almost guaranteed to be Gaara. Rasa didn't have that deep of a voice, or at least that grumbly of one. 

Turns out I was right. There he was, in all of his sleepless glory (I'm assuming his tailed beast didn't let him sleep, judging by the rings. Shukaku could be a bitch sometimes). I'm not sure of his age in this form. I'd say about fifteen, pre akatsuki.

And with that notion, I'd have about six months before Sasori and Deidara show up. Which means Naruto is still on his journey, and Sasuke is with Oreopedo. I have no clue where Sakura is. I'm assuming she's with Tsunade. 

Let's pray I don't fuck this up.

"You're Kai, I presume?"

"You'd be right, sir."

"No need for the sir. I'm fifteen, I don't think I'm quite old enough for that." He chuckles. "It took me a full six months to stop the guards from calling me 'lord gaara'."

Oh. My. God. 

He's a fucking ray of sunshine. When did this happen? Was this the same kid who etched a kanji for love on his forehead with fucking sand because he was abused? Because apparently, Naruto sure did hit him with the "positivity no jutsu"

"What? Didn't expect me to be able to smile?" He shakes his head a bit. "That was my younger self. Since then, Kankuro has informed me of this thing he likes to call "sarcasm". I find it quite useful."

So Kankuro taught him that. Very interesting.

I try to chuckle, but my lungs are not very friendly with me. 

"Oh, right. You need a board, correct?"

I nod. 

"Hopefully, you can speak again soon. Now, let's start with the basics. Not about you, but about the way this society works. You've got a look of confusion."

I write down "yeah, I am."

Internally however, I am very much aware, but for the sake of the fourth wall I'm breaking, I let him go on about the fundamentals.

"Do you know where you are?"

I shake my head. 

"Then allow me to start there. You are currently in one of the hidden villages, more specifically, Sunagakure, or the hidden sand. On a larger scale, you're in wind country. There are five large villages, and several smaller ones which I'm going to discuss later. You have all that?"

I nod again.

"Now, as for the neighboring villages, the land of fire has konohagakure, or the hidden leaf, the land of water has kirigakure, or the hidden mist, the land of earth has Iwagakure, or the hidden rock, and the land of lighting has Kumogakure, the hidden cloud. "

I nod again. I know all this already, but he seems to enjoy the teaching part of this. 

"As for rankings, you start as a student in the academy at age five, until age 12, where you become a genin, who do D rank missions. Then you take a test to become a chunin, the middle of the back. They do C and B rank missions. If you get appointed by the Kage of your village, you become Jonin. That or you can test to do it. They do A and B rank missions. Now, here comes the higher ranks. These require testing and an appointment from a Kage or the counsel. ANBU, who carry out S or higher missions. They are the 'black ops' for us. Then, comes Kage, which requires a counsel nomination." 

He is definitely enjoying this. 

And then he decided to lecture me on jutsu and chakra theory, which I tuned out. 

Here, for my newbies, is a basic summary.

Taijutsu: kicking people, usually (unless you're a hyuga, where you briefly touch people)

Genjutsu; ninja mind fuckery. (Uchihas are scary when it comes to this)

Ninjutsu: anything else, really. Besides swords and seals. 

Hand signs: used for ninjutsu. Conducts chakra and shit. Kinda boring. 

Oh and tailed beasts. There's nine of em. Gaara has one, the one tails. The akatsuki want them to end the world. Taking a tailed beast from its holder kills them, by the way. 

Not fun, let me tell ya. 

Really not fun.

His lecture finally concludes on rogue ninja, and the headband slash, along with people to generally avoid. He gives me a bingo book afterwards.

"Can you pass me that knife, please?"

"You do realize you're injured, and we recently found you bleeding out? We're not giving you a weapon."

"I meant to cut my hair. I've always wanted to have one of those badass moments."

"I'll have Baki go get you a haircut. No knives just yet."

Buzzkill. 

(A/n, I don't know the official translations or roles. This is my very poor interpretation.)


	5. Chapter Four:In Which I Skip Two Weeks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bind safely, kids.

You really think I was going to make you all suffer through the two weeks of boredom that was my lectures with Baki? Hell no. 

So, I give you, a recap.

I got a haircut. 

My chakra system has grown quite a bit (it's spread to the other side of my chest, and is now starting down my shoulders. It's also oddly warm, which throws off my perception, considering the rest of me is colder)

I learned a very small amount of Japanese, aka just enough for Baki to not have to speak English 24/7. 

Did I mention I got a haircut?

You're probably judging, but cutting off that shit was the best decision I've ever made. It used to be hip length, straight, and blonde, and now it's white (thanks to the animeverse being strange), short ear length, and in a choppy mullet ish style.

Hey, I love gender euphoria. 

My only issue, however, was the existence of testosterone here. As far as I know, they didn't have pills or gel or t shots. They just had naturally existing shit, which didn't really help much, considering I couldn't produce it as an AFAB person.

And the fact that people don't have the word "transgender" here, and I can't explain why I'd need that. 

Would people here be accepting of trans folks? I sure hope they would... and if anything goes wrong, I know Baki and Gaara have my back. 

Kankuro is pretty cool too. On my breaks, he loves talking about puppets. 

One bonus of coming here in a binder, nobody knows my sex but the nurses. 

Which is a fucking lifesaver, because I don't want Temari begging me to be a "fellow girl", or to be her female ninja bestie. 

This village did not have many females who weren't civilian. 

And yes, I know she's above that, but there's always a chance, considering Gaara became a ray of sunshine. 

Maybe he always was? I'm not sure. I guess once he managed to subdue Shukaku, he became happier?

I really don't know. 

As for the plot, I've decided to do absolutely nothing unless I have to. I have plans, of course, and a calendar to mark six months from now, so I'd know when to go hide in my bunker. 

Sure, I wanted to meet the gang, but I'm not running the risk of dealing with a pissed Deidara, or a pissed Sasori.

Sasori really scared me. Deidara was manageable.

Although both could easily kill me. I'd say the only one who I'd have a chance with as of current would be Itachi.

Don't ask why. All I'll say is an incomplete chakra system plus genjutsu =nothing.

Trust me, it's useless until the system decides to completely form itself, which at this rate, should only take another two to three months.

Not really much use for me, anyway, considering I don't plan on fighting anyone for the foreseeable future. My lessons are strictly for safety.

Today marked my two week anniversary of arriving here. So, as I always do, I got out of bed, put on my binder (which everyone passed off as a rib brace), threw on the typical mesh and t-shirt combo, grabbed one of Baki's spare jackets he'd lent me until the ones that were more my size came in, tied my hair in a suna headband, and left.

Jesus Christ, I look like Sasori with white hair, minus the reddish eyes. Mine are hazel. And I have a nose ring. I don't think you can pierce a wooden puppet, so I'd take a wild guess he doesn't have one.

"Mornin champ!"

That's Baki's nickname for me. It went from kid to kiddo, to champ, somehow.

"Mornin Baki!" I flash a peace sign, " Startin' with the usual, I assume?"

"You've got that right. Drop and Gimme 20."

Yes, I did teach him that. The shinobi understanding of English wasn't too great, let me tell ya. Teaching is fun when the subject is.

Did I mention I have abs now? Yeah, I have abs now. And arms.

Well, they're not washboard or six-pack abs yet. But they're coming along, which pleases my masculine side. I mean, I look like a guy, minus the tits.

Oh, how I want to get rid of those. Unfortunately, top surgery, as mentioned previously, isn't easily found here, considering cancer doesn't exist, and mastectomies for that reason don't exist. And breast reduction isn't either unless you genuinely need it, Ex: causes a visible hindrance to performance.

So us trans folks are slightly screwed. Primarily because there's only one of the "trans folk". and that's me.

Excuse my ranting, pushups bore me sometimes.

I get up off the ground, only to continue exercising, via laps.

Laps are my worst. I can't do laps for shit. Especially with a constricted chest. (Don't worry, I'm fine. This happens a lot for people who bind. I am not in any danger.)

By the end of my laps, I'm completely winded, and nearly panting.

"You ok champ? You look a little sick..."

Baki tilts his head at me, who is laying in the middle of the track, panting on my back.

"I'll be fine, just give me a sec to catch my breath..." I pant.

I manage to pull myself back up, with a lot less panting. 

"Spar?" 

For the past week, he's taught be taijutsu basics, genin level, but the technique is there. Hey, at least some twelve year old can't kick my ass.

Actually, a twelve-year-old could kick my ass. Gaara's 15. He's a leader of a fucking country. I'm nineteen and never passed a green belt in karate.

Enough about kids and ass-kicking, more sparring. Of course, Baki goes easy on me. He's a total of four ranks higher, and he's twice my age.

"Alright, champ. Try the sweep kick I taught you last week. We're on pads, so don't worry about hurting me."

I do what he says, swinging my leg to his ankles as he'd shown me.

"Not bad, champ!", he says as he gets up from the mats. It's the first time I've knocked him down.

"Now, how's the back handspring coming?"

In addition to kicking, he decided gymnastics would be a good fit for me. Not sure why. 

Although, I do look like Rock Lee when I land it the right way...

"Pretty solid. I don't think I need a spot now."

"Always good to hear it. You need a springboard or not?"

I shake my head. I should be fine.

"Alright then. Show me."

I jump back on my hands, pushing up and landing feet first. 

"Form's a bit off, but for two weeks of practice, I'd say you have it down! Take a try with the running start!"

Like I said, I hate running. And I really hate starting like this, considering my endurance is shit. I walk to the edge of the mat, and start a medium pace run, make the jump into a cartwheel, flip back, and push off my hands. Here we fucking go. The feeling of in air suspension sure is fun, let me say. And 3, 2, 1.

My feet hit the pads. I take a look at Baki, who's impressed as all hell, smiling.

"Champ! You never told me you could do two in a row! You really did practice, eh?"

"You could say that." I manage to pant out. It's hard to breathe, but I'm sure I'll be fine.

"Kid, are you ok?"

I nod again, panting.

"Kid quit lying. You look blue, and you're sweating."

"I'm... Fine..."

I manage to croak out.

In retrospect, I should not have been wearing a binder as tight as that one with my brace. (I broke my ribs, remember?). That equals a loss of oxygen and exhaustion. Don't double bind, kids.

"Kid?!"

Cliche, I know. And yes, I did wake up in a hospital. However, I'm not telling that part quite yet.

A/N:

All my trans folks, Don't do what Caden does. Binding is fine, but in extreme exercising, you have to make sure you are safe. Don't bind with an existing brace. If you need to when you play sports, use compression bras.

Drink fucking water, too. 

Don't be like Caden. Be safe.

And don't wear your binder for more than eight hours per day.


	6. Chapter Five; Sorry I Passed Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: the chapter ending is shit, but the wholesomeness of the chapter makes up for it

Ah yes. The beeping of a hospital. How pleasant.

Said nobody ever. 

Listen, don't do what I did. I make stupid mistakes. I don't take things into account. 

You, on the other hand, should. Look before you leap, per se. 

Because dealing with a pissed Baki is no fun.

Oh, and did I mention Gaara showed up? Because he did. And he too, was confused. 

And I know I said Baki was pissed. He was confused too, by his look.

When I finally opened my eyes, we all just sat there, staring. It wasn't bad enough for me to need a saline drip, but I did have a heart monitor. (No shit, I just passed out from overworking my lungs and heart).

"Champ, what was that back there?"

"Baki...." I sigh. "...I can explain."

He was visibly enraged. Gaara looked rather calm in comparison, holding Baki back a bit.

"When the hell were you gonna tell me you were a girl?"

God, words like that hit me with daggers. It fucking hurts to get called "a girl". I 

I take a deep breath. "Baki, calm down. I've got a long explanation ahead."

"How am I supposed to calm down? You lied, kid."

Notice how he doesn't call me champ. He's *that* pissed. 

Gaara pipes up, "Baki. Let the kid make their own case. Don't jump to conclusions so easily."

He gives me a signal to speak. 

"Listen. I think the best way I can explain this is that I was born in the wrong body."

Baki looks at me, dumbfounded. "How?"

Gaara rolls his eyes at Baki. 

"Well, to put it simply, my body is female, but my brain isn't."

Baki still gives me his classic dumbfounded/what the fuck did I just hear look.

"So, you're mentally a boy, and physically a girl? How does that work...?"

It seems he's coming to terms with the fact I'm trans. 

"My brain and my body don't connect. The reason I passed out was because of a thing that my homeland calls "double binding"."

"Double what?"

"Binding. Pinning down my breasts with tight fabric so I don't see them. Almost like a brace, but with no medical purposes."

"And you wore two of these?"

"Not consciously. I forgot, actually. My rib brace pressed into my ribs and lungs, like my binder. One is usually ok, but the other mixed with exercise and panting becomes an issue, like you just saw."

"Champ, are you ok? That doesn't sound pleasant..."

"It's not, actually. Back home, all they'd ever call me, was a girl."

"That's fucked up." He sighs. 

"Yeah." I tear up, "since I was eight, I've known I was a boy. And when I told my mother, she just made it worse. She'd always say I was her little girl, and that I was just confused."

He looked genuinely sorry for blowing up in my face. 

"Nobody deserves that, Champ. Especially you."

I wiped away the stray tear on my face. "Thank you, Baki. Thank you."

"I take nobody's called you a boy before, eh?"

"So far, only you, Gaara, and my cousin."

He smiles: "I'm glad I could be one of the lucky few to embrace you for you."

Oh. My. God. 

He's a fucking sweetheart. 

"Just... don't tell anyone I was born this way, alright? I haven't gotten the best reaction from it in other places..."

"Sounds good with me, champ. From now on, you are Kai, and you're a boy, no matter who tells you otherwise. However, don't wear both of those braces at the same time, kid. You worried me!"

Oh my god he's happy. 

"Will do, Captain."

Gaara pipes up again. "How exactly would you get more masculine features? I'd like to know if we can help."

Oh boy, this is a fun one. "Testosterone supplements, to put it simply. Vocal therapy, a plethora of other things."

"Interesting. I'll find what I can. It may take a bit, but you are our guest, and if you need help, you will get it."

"The both of you are some of the most accepting people I've ever met. And I've known you two weeks. 

Baki sticks his hand out for a fist bump. Of course I bump him back. Oh the joy of teaching. Gaara gives me a "what the hell is this?" Look. 

"It's called a fist bump. It's a good thing, I promise."

He bumps my hand.

"You have some interesting customs in your homeland."

"Same to you, my friend."

God, the both of them smiling makes me happy. 

A nurse walks in as Gaara walks out. "You should be fine for discharge, considering you look stable enough."

I sign the papers, and start standing up, before Baki leans down and puts his arms behind his back. 

"Get on, champ. You deserve this."

Of course, me being me, I hop on. Baki's a pretty tall guy, I just say. 

"This is probably the tallest I've ever felt!" I chuckle. 

"You'll grow eventually," he jokes, "c'mon champ. Gaara said to watch ya for a little bit. 

For the first time in a long time, I was damn happy. Over the fucking moon happy.

But that didn't stop what was going to happen. My presence had fucked up the timeline. And only in hindsight did I realize that. The calendar on my wall had no use, despite my naive self thinking everything would be alright. Laying low alone was hardly helpful to me, considering my existence alone could change the world.

The butterfly effect is never one to mess with. Merely avoiding people won't help. People seek other people, someone will try and find you.

Especially in a case like me. The scars on my arms and chest were enough of a spectacle that people stared. Some asked me how I got them.

It's the little things that really matter.

I won't tell you the details yet. However, I will tell you things were different then what you know. 

And you can blame a certain black haired simp who started a war over a dead girl for that. And his red headed compatriot. 

No, not sasori. The other red head.

Sasori isn't the leader, amigos. 

Now, for storytelling purposes, I'm not telling exactly what's going on in the future. Fucking with an audience is the best part of having an all knowing narrator.

But I will show you a scene. I won't tell you the timeline, I won't tell you what's going on. I'll say who's speaking, and that's it. 

You want it, eh? 

Here you go, then.

"You two will be making the trip to suna soon." Boomed a voice.

"We're aware, sir."

"And you know the purpose ?"

"Yes, we do."

A hunched man stands next to his comrade, a blonde teenager with pyromania.

"I presume you both are prepared?"

"He's been bugging me all week about it, hm!"

"Would you quit it with that speech thing you do? It grates on my nerves..."

The two partners start arguing.

"The both of you. This isn't the time. We've waited years to enact this plan. I am not letting you lose this over a simple argument."

"Sorry, leader."

So. How was that? Too bad I'm not explaining more. 

Not like I've got much more to say, really.

A/n; couldn't find a better way to end this, so here's the chapter ending. Things do start kicking up soon, however. Be on the lookout!


	7. Chapter 7

After our whole fiasco, things ended quite well, believe it or not. The only thing different is that Baki now has to remind me on the daily not to wear my binder if it's a high intensity day.

And did I mention I pulled another time skip? 

Oh well. I did. 

What, you expect me to be consistent? That's the last thing that I am. 

It's been a month since I got here.

A three week time skip. Very acceptable.

But seriously. I need to move this fuckin plot along. I've got big shit happening. 

Lemme guess, you wanna know? Well, to put it simply, that chakra system of mine? It's almost fully formed. Only about a week left. 

However, there is a downside. Having literal tiny roots in your body that are growing at an extreme rate hurts. 

A lot.

Of course, I can still function, and of course I take Advil and I'm fine, but chakra as a whole in my body...

Man, trying to mold that shit? It's hard...

Think of keeping air in a ball. Not a ball that you'd play sports with. I mean a literal ball of air. 

And I'm not even thinking of the rasengan. I'm saying for fucking clones. 

That's right folks. I'm 19, and can't do an academy level jutsu. It's almost pitiful, really. 

Baki still blames it on the fact my pathways aren't complete. They have yet to fully reach my feet, and my left hand fingertips haven't gotten done completely either. 

Oh, and Kankuro is also assisting me. At first, I thought Baki and Gaara were nuts for the idea, but Kankuro's fighting style revolves soley on chakra manipulation. After all, he is a puppeteer.

Pretty smart, now that I think about it.

And of course, he's got his quirks. First of all, he never shuts up about joints and wood. His puppets are somewhat scratch made, or at least edited, but he could get into a five hour conversation about wood types.

Trust me, he's done it. 

That and he loves to rustle my hair when I do something well. It's kinda like how Baki calls me champ. Sometimes he'll lift my stuff up with his chakra threads. It's pretty cool. 

He hasn't told me about the paint yet. I'd assume it's just a cultural thing. Or the sun. The sun is fucking hot here. Everyone I've ever trained with here just says that I'll get over it with better chakra control. They better be right, because I sweat buckets out here.

"Shorty, get some of water, then we'll try again."

He calls me shorty. Not like he's much taller. Not my fault I'm 5'4. Puberty's a bitch. 

"Kai, I think you need a bit of work on the visualizing portion of this. It's like I said, imagine creating a second you with half of your existing body."

"God, Kankuro. You make it seem easy." I chuckle.

"Kinda like I've been doing it my whole life, huh?"

"I have no clue how any of you managed to pass ninja school. I hardly passed my academic work back home... imagine if it included this..."

He fluffs my hair. "C'mon shortstack, let's get back. Try that meditation technique I taught ya."

I sit down on a mat, which, for context as to why I need water, is outdoors.

Breathe, Kai. Just do what he said. In seven, hold four, out eight. Repeat.

And here it is. The light I'm looking for. Blueish. 

Now, just concentrate on making it into a second self...

The circle of blue sorta splits down the middle and makes itself a circle, while the other half does the same.

I open my eyes to hear a cheering Kankuro.

"Little red! You did it! You amazing little thing you did it!"

I'm a bit blown away by the celebration that I'm getting, and the new nickname, considering my hair isn't all that red, but why am I complaining? He's proud. 

He runs to me and practically suffocates me with a hug.

Oh. Ohhh. 

I know why he's so happy. It's a brotherly thing. Something tells me childhood Gaara was a bit distant. He's never done this, has he? 

He shakes his head. "Sorry, that was too close, wasn't it?"

I hug him back. "There's no problem with hugs, Kankuro. Brotherly thing, I'm assuming?"

"You could say that..." he chuckles.

Maybe if we hadn't been hugging, I would've noticed the bird overhead. A large, owl bird. 

You know exactly who that is. Hint; he's blonde, and has a speech tic.

"C'mon. I'm taking you out for dango. Plus, Gaara said to meet us later. Something about registering you officially."

"Registration?"

"Citizenship. And a headband. The whole getup. You're...kinda nonexistent in our system."

"Oh, that. "

Twenty minutes later, I'm sitting with Gaara, who's somewhat absentmindedly chewing on a dango stick.

"So, your citizenship?" He starts. 

"Yeah, I've been told I need to sign a paper, maybe answer a few questions."

"You'd be right, then." 

He slides a paper towards me with a wink, pointing toward a certain sector.

"You're kidding. Doesn't the hospital fill these out?"

"I'm a Kage. I can make excuses."

"You did all this... for me?" He must be nuts.

"It's nothing, really. I just told them there was a mistake on the papers. Like you said, you weren't born the way the papers tell you." He chuckles. 

I'm tearing up.

"Thank you. Seriously. I can't thank you enough."

"It's my pleasure." He says, taking a bite from the stick, "you're Kai to us. It doesn't matter who says your not."

And then a bomb rang out. The explosion crackled against what I'd assume was the entire village, and our building shook. 

Shitshitshitshitshit 

I've only been here a month. This was supposed to take six months. I checked five times. My timing isn't wrong. 

Theirs is.

Shit.

That means one thing. My existence alone changed the timeline indirectly. Now, that indirect influence will directly affect the timeline. 

Simply put, I'm fucked. And I didn't know it.

I hear Gaara shout what I can assume is "get down" in Japanese. 

That's another issue. The language barrier...

A wall of sand starts to rise up through the now broken roof. He's guarding the village, isn't he?

Another bomb rings out.

And when the dust settles, my worst fears are confirmed. 

That's fucking Sasori, isn't it. I mean, I only know one man who parades around in a scorpion suit and poisons people for a living. 

I'm assuming they're here for Gaara, considering his jinchuriki status. And then I realize Gaara's currently fighting Deidara in the sky, with one difference from canon. Kanji rp appears to be with him as well.

Extra manpower, always a good one.

And the second I come of my thoughts, time nearly stands still. I don't know what it was, but something hits me, and I start hyperventilating. 

Shit. 

Baki's left me to go help with the others, I'd assume, considering I can't see him anymore. It's just me, some civilians, and an s rank criminal hell bent on what I can assume is my death. 

"Just who I'm looking for..."

He trails off. God, his voice is creepy.

"The jinchuriki..."

"Sir, you've got me mixed up. I'm not him."

"Then where is he?" Goddamit, how can a puppet be fucking scary?

"I don't know. Probably fighting or something!"

"I don't believe you... and I don't like being kept waiting by liars."

"I'm serious!" I yell.

"The imbalance of your chakra says different..."

Is he a sensor or something? I'd say no, but lord am in hot water...

"It's a genetic thing!" I explain.

"What have I said? I don't deal with liars, and I certainly don't waste my time."

The bombs stop ringing. It all goes dead for a single second. 

"Deidara, our leader will be happy."

And then a piece of rubble falls and hits me.

That's one way to end a good day....

A/N:

I've since edited the hair color of Kai to be red, unlike the cover, which is why Sasori mistakes him and Gaara. The timeline change effects this as well. While it is common knowledge to a village if and who a jinchuriki is, the akatsuki are unaware he's been promoted to Kage. Thus far, as in my timeline, Gaara's only been Kage a few months, (he's fifteen instead of sixteen), it's easy to mistake two redheads, especially when it's a rare color, and the pics and data for said redheads are pretty limited. 

As for the eye rings, Kai gets very little sleep, as has been mentioned before, he's an insomniac and a night owl. As for the chakra remark, sasori isn't a sensor, and he doesn't know the difference all too well.

If you have more plot holes to fill, I'll get em filled.


	8. I Told You, I’m Not Gaara! (Chapter 7)

As you could probably tell, the rock that hit me did indeed knock me out. I can also tell you that this may have been the least pleasant Sleep I've ever had. Not fun, wouldn't recommend, as I now have a large welt on my head. It appears medical treatment is not offered to someone who's been mistaken for a jinchuriki and might die from it. 

Ohoho, here's another life update, I ended up waking up just in time to start seeing whatever ritual they usually did! Gotta give Pein some credit, he can lift that statue with gravity alone. Then again, his entire ability system relies on pressure and the like. It's definitely interesting, to say the least.

As much as I'm laying down and can't see all too well, I do attempt to take a peak at what the ten finger things look like.

Konan is scowling, probably bored (maybe sympathetic or worried?).

Sasori's rolling his eyes.

Deidara is still coming off the high of destroying suna.

Itachi looks like he's been coughing, because his breathing is really shallow.

Kisame looks like he needs either a nap or some food.

Pein looks excited and determined.

Zetsu looks like he just ate someone. Very disconcerting.

Hidan looks bored out of his mind. Personally, I see him as very ADD. However he manages to keep still this whole time, I'll never know.

Kakuzu looks like a mix of the others, minus Itachi. 

And Tobimadara, (that's his new name), hasn't come into existence yet. 

God, why does this have to take three days? Can't they just, I don't know, kill me if they're gonna already? 

Fuck you, black zetsu and Kaguya for fucking with whatever it is you did in those last episodes....

I breathe, wiggling my hands a bit, stretching as much as I could inconspicuously. 

"C'mon Caden... you'll be fine. Who knows... maybe you'll end up back home. Maybe this was all a dream."

Maybe. Just maybe.

"Sealing: Nine Phantom Dragons!"

There we go. That's Pein, from what I remember.

For the thing that will kill me, the dragons are quite beautiful. Blueish, pretty detailed for a non soild form. Almost looks like the hydra in Greek mythology. 

I feel myself rising underneath one of them. 

Almost time, isn't it. I start humming the song "used to the darkness"

Now would you pray before you twist the knife?  
Yeah, would you take my hand and take a life?

God, I'm depressing. 

I'm used to the darkness, I'm used to the darkness

For death, this is pretty comfy.

Sweet smell of roses, have come at last  
One fist of Earth fights, to come join the resT

The first dragon hits me in the stomach, where a seal usually would be. 

The second follows, then the third, then the fourth, until there's nine of them, tethered to nonexistent poles, trying to pull something out of me. 

It hurts, I won't lie. It's like ones very soul being pulled out, all at once. It's not as bad as my first brush with this world, because it isn't a physical injury, but oh how this hurts. 

How long before those damn dragons learn to give up and notice that I'm not their guy? I don't want them to find the real "guy", but this is ridiculous. Surely they can tell the difference?

I can't see much anymore through the blue light that's trying it's absolute best to blind me, but I can see the faces of the members, even if just barely. 

Konan is the only one who worries me. She's shifted from her usual scowl or neutral face to one of worry. 

Not characteristic of her. That's why I'm scared. 

Can she tell I'm not him, or am I crazy?

The dragons decided to try at a different method. Repeatedly lunging at my stomach and my chest, in order to get a nonexistent tailed beast out. They don't look like they're close to stopping, either. 

I prefer what they were doing earlier to this.

It's a strange sensation, but my best idea of it would be getting stabbed with electricity. I have a feeling none of you have done that or felt it, however. 

This whole time, I've been trying not to scream in pain. I'm not usually the type to do that. I'd consider myself more of a crier. (And yes, I have been crying this whole time).

It finally happens. 

I roar. 

Pein's eyes widen, Zetsu does the same. 

The dragons finally repeal as Pein releases the tiger seal. 

I cough up blood. Just how close was I to dying? How long did I have left, even if the dragons did lay off of me?

"Konan, carry the man." He orders.

Good thing is, he assumes I'm male. Another good thing, I speak enough Japanese to understand that now. 

Bad thing is this is the akatsuki, and considering mental torture methods don't work on me, odds are I'll be scarred six ways to Sunday if they try and interrogate me. 

Sheets of paper carry me to the floor of the base. Pein dismisses the other members. 

Sasori walks up to me. "You really weren't the jinchuriki."

I nod.

Pein looks me up and down. 

"Sasori, take him to your barracks. I need to think this over."

Sasori's barracks look like what you'd expect. Entrance marked with a red Scorpion, puppets hanging on the walls, a bed, and some wood polisher. There was another door that I assume led to his workshop. 

"I'd say I'm sorry, but I don't feel things."

"It's fine. Thanks for at least letting me stay here and not killing me on sight."

"I'm not who you should thank. That'd be our leader."

"Right. You're Akasuna no Sasori (sasori of the red sand), aren't you?"

"Correct."

"They say a lot about you over in Suna."

"They always have. My grandmother still lives there."

This dude has no clue how to make conversation, does he? I mean, he's an emotionless puppet. He's supposed to be cold, but not this fuckin cold.

"Is it true... you know."

"That I'm a living puppet or that I got my name from staining the sand with my enemies blood? Because they're both true."

"That's... incredible. My friend is obsessed with puppetry. He talks all about it. Says he wants to teach me when he can. He mentions you quite a bit. The scorpion Mark and all."

"He's interested in the art. I haven't seen many youth puppeteers."

"Yeah, I can't say I know many."

"How old are you?"

"19."

Shit, he's gonna be a bit suspicious isn't he.

"19, yet you didn't even try and fight me."

"In my defense, you're a poisons expert. You could have killed me. And for your knowledge, I can't fight. Wasn't taught until recent." 

"You've dug your own grave. Our leader loves the impressionable."

"You see me as impressionable?"

"I'm emotionless, not an idiot. You've yet to experience the horrors of this world, as they say. You probably couldn't pass the academy exams."

"You're right. I just learned to make clones."

"As I usually am. You're far too weak for the business of shinobihood. It will kill you."

"I've been told it before. It's not like I've got much a choice. I was on deaths door earlier. And I'd do it again."

"You're friends with the jinchuriki, aren't you?"

I nod. 

"Protecting a friend... It's trivial. Only the eternal shall live. Eternity is the true art."

Here he goes on his emotionless art tangent...

Pein calls for us.

"I hope you're doing alright. My apologies for the mistake on our behalf. We may be criminals, but the path to peace does not require the deaths of the innocent."

He's talking about Yahiko, isn't he...

"I see you as a valuable ally. You will work and train with us to help achieve this goal."

Shit. If he's doing what I think he's doing-

"State your name."

"Kai."

He hands me a kunai.

"You know what to do."

Hesitantly, I take off my headband, take the kunai, and slash it though the sunagakure symbol.

He hands me a ring. 

"Welcome to the Akatsuki, Kai."


	9. Chapter Eight: Three Madmen, Two Religion Freaks, One Half Plant, and A Partridge In A Pear Tree

"Hey."

There's a blue-haired woman outside of my door. It's Konan.

"Pein sent me to check on you."

She seems like the mother of this group, and she's the only one who's yet to call me a tool or an asset.

"I figured as much."

The bed they gave me was nice, I guess. It's a raised platform with a futon mattress.

"You're settling in, I see." She smiles. Finally, a person who has emotions here.

"You could say that..."

I don't like it here much if any. I'm not even sure if I'm missing or dead back in Suna. Kankuro's practically lost a brother, Baki's lost a son.

It kills me thinking that they might not know I'm out here.

Christ, Gaara might go all homicidal maniac.

"First day jitters?"

"More like being homesick..."

"What did Suna do for you? There's no need to miss it-"

I cut her off.

"Everything. They took me in, bleeding, half dead. They brought me back. They taught me how to exist in a world like this. Sure, I'm weak. Sure, I can't fight. But I met people who cared there. Everyone here sees me as some sort of advantage for them in battle. Suna didn't do that. Especially the people I cared about there."

"I see. You seek friendship. We got off on the wrong foot. I'm Konan, second in command to Pein."

"The angel of Ame, as you've called in the books."

Man, I love seeing the reactions when I say I own a bingo book.

"It appears Sasori was right. You read quite a bit."

"I couldn't walk without crutches for three weeks. It's all I could do."

"How'd you even shred yourself up like that?"

She's trying to get on my good side, I can tell. She's damn good at it too. She wins this one. I actually like her, which is a rarity around here.

"I'd rather not talk about it."

God, if another person tries to elicit a confession of me falling from the sky and nearly dying again, I might be a little mad.

"Trauma?"

"That, and I hit my head pretty hard," I smirk a bit, a nervous habit.

"Glad to see it's healed." She stands up from my bedside. "Pein is calling me back. I must go. Thank you for your time, Kai."

She drops the motherly demeanor in favor of the usual cold-blooded one that every member has.

I hate it here, obviously. I don't have the hatred of humanity to be here. I don't have the attitude, the twofacedness, the strength.

As selfish and petty as it is, I miss my creature comforts.

This world doesn't allow for missing. It doesn't allow for comfort. 

We send out the young to war, the second you're strong enough you fight.

Peacetime is but a mere joke here. I mean, half these villages have only existed for a century, and we've had three great wars. 

Three.

America had two world wars in nearly 200 years of its existence.

Maybe that's what Pein saw in me. Anger.

After all, Ignorance is bliss.

Back home, if you didn't watch the news, you didn't know who was dying. You didn't know about whatever crisis was going on.

Here, you're thrown into it.

The strive for power is extreme. It's all about the size of the country, and wealth.

Seriously. I've seen the kingdoms in medieval times deal with this better.

Not like I can fix it. So I won't. I'll ally with whatever side I feel more comfortable with. That side happens to be Suna. They're better than Konoha and certainly better than Kiri.

I mean, Gaara's 15. How corrupt can you be at 15?

New plan: Suck it the fuck up until you can leave. Find a way to leave. Get back to Suna.

Simple. As. That.

Bonus points for getting rid of Madara/Tobito.

I am totally calling him that now. He sounds like a kind of chip.

As for training, I'm almost guaranteed to be subject to immense amounts of suffering. Fun.

I fall asleep that night to the sound of my own racing thoughts and anxious heartbeat.

We wake at dawn. I hate it. Time doesn't exist as much here, which means that I can't gauge two things:

How long I train

How long I'm here.

Both of those are vital parts of my current life and plan. Fuck. Guess we're going with the age-old trick of carving your days down.

I decide that I'll measure the sunsets. It's a simple and straightforward way of measuring time.

It seems Pein made me a calendar of sorts. It's a notepad with a schedule. 

Breakfast

Training

Lunch

Education period 

No clue what an education period is, but I assume he means I have to sit and watch him talk.

And after that, I've got dinner.

The note is signed with his name and a PS. "Come to my office for further direction."

One unfortunate thing I've discovered is that sadly, an eerie theme does not play whenever someone decides to darken my doorway.

It's no different when I manage to drag my ass over to Pein's office.

"You asked for my presence?"

God, he's a lot more intimidating when he's standing over you. Not to mention the piercings look both scary, poorly done, painful, and awesome.

I wonder if he does them for free. I'd kill for a nose ring.

"Correct. From now on, I expect you to address me as Leader, or Lord Pein. Is that clear?"

"Clear as crystal."

"Very well. Today is your first official day as a member of the Akatsuki. Remember your place. You are one of our youngest, and you are certainly the least trained."

He hands me a cloak.

"This, along with a hat, are to be worn when outside of the base at all times."

"Understood."

Wearing this thing makes me feel like both a badass and a shitty person for accepting it, all at the same time.

"Good. You'll be with Hidan today."

Oh, so I have to deal with mister ritual sacrifice? If I know myself, I'll be dead by the first hit. Please tell me he won't have his fucking staff scythe thing?

While I'm walking to my demise, I'll tell you about a few cool things about this place.

It's huge, for one. I mean, have you watched Sasori's death scene? The place they fought in was this cave, believe it or not...

Second of all, we have a training arena, apparently. 

That's it. This place is just rocks.

The second I get to where I'm supposed to be, I see Hidan half covered in blood, meditating and mumbling some sort of prayer.

I walk inside a bit, and he springs up.

"Hey, Buddy!"

Great. I've had an encounter with one religion freak today, and now it'll be two.

Plus, Him calling me buddy...

"Pein said I'd get to punch someone today! Not as great as sacrifices, but he says he needs you."

Ain't that fun. 

"Lord Jashin would have liked you."

Here comes the sermon.

"Eh, I'm itching for a fight today. I'll tell ya all about me later if you're interested!"

Definitely ADHD. He's insanely hyper.

"Pein said no scythe either..."

He makes this pouty face.

"Hidan, I'm here to spar, not fool around," I say.

"C'mon Jashin," He whines, "Why'd you have to give me a boring one..."

Definitely crazy. Extremely crazy. Needs an asylum for sure, but fits the bill for this place.

"Alright, Come at me! Show me what ya got!"

I decide to run at him and sweep kick.

"Rookie mistake, newbie."

He (somehow) has found a way to get behind me.

"Anything interesting you can do?"

I shake my head.

"Well then. I've got my work cut out for me!"

I'm in for quite a treat...


	10. Chapter 10

I am happy to say that Hidan did not kill me. He didn't get close, actually. I learned some valuable things. 

1: The academy doesn't teach you shit.

2: Getting your ass handed to you isn't fun.

Turns out the stuff I learned was material they taught six-year-olds. SIX-YEAR-OLDS! I had difficulty with that stuff, yet they taught literal children to do triple back handsprings.

So much for a gymnastics career.

Oh, and did I mention I'm sore as hell? Because I am. I didn't manage to beat Hidan once. He's fast, I'll give him that.

But the running from him and to him to evade and land kicks killed both my legs and arms. Hey, no pain, no gain.

That's bullshit, honestly. I get it I'm 19 and supposed to be able to do this, but I can't. However Kakuzu manages to do this at 91 is scary.

There's a note at my bedside, with scribbly, messed up, handwriting in blood-red ink. Hidan, I assume.

"You're gonna need this." -H.

Yep. That's him.

"PS. I stole this from Sasori."

Definitely him. I'm assuming it's a painkiller of sorts.

Typically, I wouldn't trust small white pills that Sasori makes, but he's the closest thing to a medic-nin we have here, and he should know what he's doing.

Plus, I'm fucking desperate. I can't walk, let alone walk to the other side of the base and train for another day.

So I take it. Probably a bad idea, but I honestly feel better. 

A quick check of my schedule says I'm with Deidara for "evasion and speed" training today.

I assume that means getting bombs in my face until I'm fast enough to avoid them. Pain is a rather good learning tactic, I'll give them that.

I think I can walk now, despite the bruises and muscle pain. 

Breakfast here is as boring as it gets. Rice. There's a lot of it. My breaks in the morning are hardly half an hour.

The base shakes a bit. That's Deidara, isn't it... It's too fucking early for this, I swear. 

And here comes either Pein or Kisame yelling at him to stop blowing the damn base up. Typical.

I finish up the rice I'm eating, and get on my clothes for the day. I don't wear my rib brace anymore, so I can wear my binder, which is pleasant. The standard here is a mesh shirt, an actual shirt, pants, a cloak, shoes, nail polish (oddly enough), and a ring, which never comes off. 

Seriously, you'd need oil to get that sucker off.

I turn around, and Deidara seems to have stuck himself to my ceiling.

"Mornin newbie!"

A much better intro than Hidan had, I'll give him that much.

"Why are you here? I'm half nude." He blushes, but more in a 'shit, I forgot' way.

"You're in a base full of dudes. You think I'm afraid of seeing your dick?" He retorts.

I'm half reminded that I do not have said dick, and half happy that he assumes I have one.

"Understandable. This is a predominately male organization, I suppose that would be common."

And I expected Hidan to be the profane one.

"God, you're worse than Sasori and Itachi combined. Hidan said you were a lost cause, but my lord, you're a *really* lost cause."

For an explanation of my speech around the people here;

The best way to have people leave you alone is to be a boring person. Stay as monotone as you can, people stop caring. If the person you're addressing is the boring one, be as hyper as possible. They won't want to go near you again. It's foolproof.

Perfect tactic for being completely average, and easy to forget about.

Let's be honest, if I try hard enough, I should just be able to slink away.

"Think Fast!"

He chucks a clay bomb at me, and I duck.

"Not bad, could be faster, hm." He remarks.

"Was that necessary? I believe you're not supposed to be using pyrotechnics in my quarters..."

"God, you're thick. Don't worry about that though. By the end of this week, you'll be B rank level, and at least decent at making jokes, hm. Humor is a weapon."

Plan successful. This seems to be going smoothly.

"Now, let's get out asses to training before Pein kills us, hm."

The second we're there, I notice that he's already prepped. He's got bags of clay on the side, which tells me he's going to do his best to cause yet another near-death experience in me.

"What, you admiring my art, hm?"

"More the sheer amount of clay you possess... Did you dig that yourself?"

"We live next to a clay-rich river, what do you think, hm?"

His speech tic gets on my nerves sometimes...

"Eh, nevermind." He puts his hand in his pocket, and the other into the tiger seal, boarding his bird and flying upwards, "I'll be up here, throwing these at you. They blow up, so you have to dodge them. Simple enough, hopefully."

"Seems reasonable."

Thank god I took an improv class. I'm screeching internally, but I suppose my speed is complete and utter shit. I really don't think this is a reasonable way to teach dodging speed. At all.

He throws the first one down, and it explodes, as he mentioned previously.

The idiot didn't even aim towards me...

Another bomb comes from behind.

"Oh, and I forgot to mention. We're working on anticipation, too, hm!"

A third blows up above me.

Christ almighty, he's a lot smarter than I thought. He's not the dumb one, Hidan is.

One at the side, another behind me. A Left side jump should work for that.

Right side, front. 

Left backflip works for that.

I look up. 

Fucking idiot.

Safe to say, my face is burnt now. Very burnt. 

"Watch out, sunshine! I said all directions, and I mean it, hm!"

Cheeky. Little. Fucker. 

Now I need to look up, as well as back, front, left, right, and the eight bazillion other directions. Pleasant. 

Luckily, he's smart, but not the sharpest tool in the shed. It's in a sort of pattern, where he detonates.

I just need to follow the pattern to avoid burns. 

Left, back, right, front, above.

Seems easy enough.

My one issue, however, is the rate at which he throws these bombs at me. I think the point here is to build a pattern and get faster, but I'm not sure how much more speed I can get, being me and all. 

God, Deidara...

"That's it, Kai. You're doing better than I thought, hm!" He encourages, before detonating another bomb.

At this rate, I'll get hit soon. After all, that's the point. It's like a slowly increasing speed treadmill, but with a lot more danger. Treadmills won't kill you. Blonde Femboys will.

And just as I think that I get hit in the arm. How fun.

You never realize how bad burn survivors have it until you are one, ya know?

Did I mention I've been doing this for 20 minutes? My warmups back in Suna were five, and I assume this is Deidara's twisted version of a warmup, despite it having the intensity of my usual training times five.

"What's wrong, Kai? Can't take the heat, hm?" He taunts me a bit.

"Incorrect. I am perfectly used to the temperature of my sweat."

Hopefully, that didn't come across as too sarcastic...

I get hit a second and a third time, in my arms and back respectively, before he climbs down.

"I must say, I'm impressed you held out against my art for that long. You're not as shitty as Hidan says, hm."

"Thank you,"

a/n

I did this wayyyy to quick lmao. Didn't advance the plot much either... oh well. I have an idea for next time, and a few ways to incorporate some more trans issues, as well as the canon plot.

Until next time, Cas.


	11. Chapter Ten: Mama Konan

(Dt [dysphoria trigger], for all those who get dysphoric over periods, I'd skip this chap. ask me for a recap and I'll post it if you do.)

Over the three days I've been stuck in this god awful place, I'd actually managed to forget I was born with a vagina and tits. 

Unfortunately, if you were paying attention, it's been a month since my arrival in this universe.

And if you know basic biology, you know what I'm referring to. 

That's right, the universe's biggest fuck you when evolving us, 

The menstrual cycle.

Since I started mine, I'd been on blockers for the pain I get. Trust me, it gets worse. Advil can't save me much either.

How did none of the other members find this out you say? It goes as follows: I wake up at 2 in the morning cramped half to death, feeling like I'm going to vomit. I quietly thank the universe for giving me a female in this organization, whom I can steal shit from.

Of course, nobody's in the bathroom. Nobody should be, considering how late it is. 

I know for a fact Konan has something of some kind, and I know there's Advil here, which is always good, (I think it's Itachi's? I don't know... the pain tolerance here is ridiculous, even that of a guy with the equivalent of lung cancer...)

Jesus, where does one find things here? There's one bathroom, ten people, one of whom is literally a wooden puppet, and another who's a plant, eight million toothbrushes, and... nail polish?

I'm not even questioning how they manage to wear nail polish and fight at the same time. Must be chakra or something...

I'm kneeling on the carpet, looking through the assortment of things in the bottom bit of our sink. May I say, some things here are...peculiar.

Wood polisher, some sort of eyedrop, bath salts (no, not the Florida kind, the kind you put in a foot bath).

I chuckle at the bath salts. Does P know we could just get Kisame a pool? Maybe that'd improve the overall happiness of the place. 

I can half here a rock breaking off down the hallway, which in this house, means someone's up.

Being in my pained, not thinking state, I disregard it.

It feels like this cabinet is fucking infinite. I haven't managed to find anything of use to me, and all that I have found is the random things the guys leave around.

Goddamit, why did I have to be born a girl?

I'm still rummaging and rummaging more when I hear footsteps. Dammit. At least the door is closed...

But the light is on, and you can see the light through the doorway...

"Hey, what are you doing rummaging this late?"

Of all the people that could have walked in on me, I'm glad it's her. 

I'm half blushing, half too anxious to speak.

"Sit down for a sec. Is there anything you need to get off your chest?"

Mama Konan is back.

She gives me a look of honest worry, "I think I have a few clues as to what's going on..."

I sigh, this can't be good.

"You're Suna's rumor kid, aren't you?"

Now, I didn't expect the answer I got. What 'rumor kid?'

The look on my face shows her exactly how I feel. "The kid who wasn't physically male, but was mentally male?"

She hit the nail on the head, didn't she...

I give a wimp nod in response, "I didn't know I was famous over there..."

She chuckles a bit. "You confirmed my suspicion when you started getting a bit moody yesterday. Reminds me of myself, really. Pein always said I was angry on my cycle."

She puts her hand in the cabinet, and a puff of smoke comes out.

"Don't ask why I needed a seal on here, but the boys are rather rowdy, and my stuff isn't very protected by a closet alone..."

"I won't, I knew kids like that back home..."

God, home. Sounds far away, doesn't it?

"I swear, I mother the half of them..."

Home. Carlie. That sounds like something she'd say.

"And now I'm your mom, Kai. And I'm glad you're my son now."

I can almost see Carlie's face and hear Carlie's voice when she says that. 

"I'm know I'm not your mom, Cay. And I never will be. But it's my job to treat you like a son when she won't."

"I'm glad you're my son now. You always will be."

"Kai?" Konan glances at me, "Are you alright? You were tearing up..."

I shake it off. "Just memories of someone I lost."

She leans her shoulder down. "It's ok, I'm not made of paper, you can cry on me."

I'm nothing more than a few sobs at this point. Nostalgia hits hard, especially when you miss someone.

I'm not sure what's going on (tears blur your vision substantially), but I'm pretty sure she's wrapping her wings around me.

Paper is warmer than you'd expect.

"It's ok... I've lost people in my time too. I grew up in war. I almost died from it. But scars make you who you are, and trust me, their beautiful, no matter what you've been through."

I'm half choking on my tears, on a bathroom floor, in the akatsuki base, at 2:30 am. I must be nuts.

"I'm not even sure if your plan will bring peace..." I say.

"I'm not sure either. Truth be told, the reason I'm here is to follow Na---Pein. He's the last thing I've got left, and I'll be damned if I don't try and keep it."

"Then why don't we just convince Pein otherwise? You're following him because you care about him, I'm following him because of orders. If we find enough people, we might just be able to convince him, before anyone else gets hurt."

"I'm amused by your optimism, but he's not the type you can convince." She gives me an empathetic smile.

"I fell from the sky and got myself ripped to shreds in hyperspace. I think I can convince a ginger or two."

"Hyperspace?" She chuckles.

"True story, trust me."

"How about we both get some well deserved rest, and talk about this tomorrow? If memory serves, a certain someone's meeting with Itachi tomorrow."

"I'm not looking forward to it..."

She embraces me. "Well, Just know you can talk to me after, assuming you don't tell anyone we had this chat... I've got a reputation to uphold."

"You've got my word." 

The two of us part ways, me now knowing where to find *ahem* products. 

Guess they were right when they said she was an angel. She's a lot nicer than the vibe she likes to put off. Same goes for a lot of folks here. Although Itachi scares the shit out of me, and Pein's chakra alone crushes me when he raises it...

If I had a guitar like I did back home, I know exactly what I'd be playing. Simple Man, by shinedown. That song encompasses the last few minutes I've had.

Tomorrow marks day four in this rocky hell they call a base. Tomorrow also starts yet another day of training with another guy I wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley in New York.

I can't tell if I'm supposed to be sad or happy that it's day four already.

Day four also starts my new plan. Operation change Pein's mind. 

Remember that whole "I won't fuck the plot up" Tangent I went on? Yeah, that plan is no longer with us. The new and improved one lies soley on the premise of talk-no-jutsuing the crap out of villains, and maybe making sure obimadatobi doesn't join the happy mess that is the Akatsuki.

You could say I've got my work cut out for me, or you could say my work has itself out to get me.

Either one works.


	12. Chapter Eleven: I Hate Our Leader

I roll myself out of bed, shaking away the sleep, and rubbing away my eye salt.

Today marks what I find to be the arguably worst day of training. Of course, Pein decided it was a good idea to pair me up with Itachi, of all people. He's going to nearly kill me, I'm sure.

I'd still have a chance if my system hadn't fully developed yesterday. Interesting feeling, really. Like some sort of puzzle piece snapping in place, and a surge of energy results.

It was not like getting high. It was like getting electrocuted. Don't get any ideas. 

The point is, my chakra system (which before being formed, was genjutsu resistant), decided to fail me the day before I combatted a genjutsu specialist, who worked mainly via eye contact. 

Tell me, how the hell am I supposed to fight without making eye contact, and while staring at someone's feet?

Don't answer that, actually. I think I have a plan. 

I mentally apologize to Konan for the amount of ranting she'll be enduring later. 

Walking to the training field again is hell on earth. My heart is beating out of my chest. 

It's ok Kai. If anything happens, it's not real. Just tell yourself that. 

Of course, Itachi's at the grounds before me. He's just as intimidating as I thought. At least he doesn't have his Sharingan activated. Deidara was right. That thing is gonna be the death of me. 

He glances at me, up and down. 

"Breathe. I've been told not to hurt you."

Oh, thank fucking god. 

"If any member of this organization wanted you dead, you would have been by now. We vastly outclass you."

I'm still looking at the ground. I don't trust him.

"No need to tell me, Everyone here's already shown me that," I mumble.

"You remind me of my brother. Weak, impressionable,"

If he says what I think he's going to-

"Lacking in hatred."

The bitch fucking did it. He really did it. This idiot, after knowing I was brought here against my will and forced to stay, really just said I lack hatred. 

"That's cute because I have this place and all involved." I retort.

Of course, I realized I was an idiot at that moment. He's Itachi. He says everything for a reason. He plans things. He's a prodigy. 

And it was my mistake that I forgot that for a split second. Making eye contact is deadly like I said. 

When I noticed what he did, the air lept out of my lungs. The terrain around me had completely inverted from green to a bright orange-reddish color, and the whites and greys of the rock had turned black and a deeper grey. 

To my surprise, I wasn't living my worst nightmares, or tied to a cross. What a miracle. 

I'm being sarcastic. But it really was a surprise he didn't have it out for me. The universe finally did something right. 

The scene I'm shown is of a simple bench in the middle of the field. He's sitting there.

"What did I say about my inability to hurt you? Stop shaking."

I try my best to stabilize my breathing. 

"You know about my eyes, don't you?"

I nod.

"That explains the behavior."

I shrug.

"Now, for the reason, I'm doing all this."

At least he has reasons.

"First of all, I know of your pact with Konan."

My eyes widen, "and how'd you manage to find that out?"

"A bird told me."

He means his crows, I'm assuming.

"And I'm on board with it. Not because I'm not ok with death, but because I know what that tablet says. It doesn't mean peace."

Of course, it doesn't, idiot. Zetsu fucked with it way back when Indra still existed. 

"We're taking all the members we can. You'd be a good asset."

"I don't take up offers often. Since I was 13, my brother has been my priority, but after my death, if his world isn't safe for him, I'd have wasted my life." He pauses, "I'm not going to do that. For the sake of the world, and his sake, I'll take the offer."

"Well then. Welcome to the lonely band of misfits."

He gives me a half-smile. God, everyone is out of character here... that or they're in character, and I'm wrong.

The green and grey of the rock and grass return. The sun's fully risen, just about noon. Time manipulation, smooth. Real smooth, Itachi.

Konan's going to have an absolute field day when I tell her. Luckily enough, I can pretty quickly today. I don't have an education period today, for some reason.

That reason was something that I didn't want in a million years. A mission.

For some reason, the dipshit that is our leader decided it would be a good idea to give the rookie (who still can't use jutsu) a mission.

To where you ask? Suna. 

Of course, I have to go to fucking Suna. The one place I want to be, and the one place I don't want to lose the trust of. 

By now, thanks to me, they'd noticed who the jinchuriki was. Gaara, of course, so they sent me for a recon of the place.

Fucking great. AT least this time around, Suna would know how to combat the issue of the Akatsuki. At least this time, the world would know just what they were after, thanks to Sasori kidnapping me (which I still haven't forgiven him for).

My only saving grace is that Pein noticed my liking of Konan, or what he saw to be a tolerance of her (every other member, minus Itachi, complained or had some kind of silent hatred towards me), and had assigned her with me because he was "busy" or something like that.

By busy, I assume he means testing my loyalty. So I accepted, with a side plan of my own in place. Warn Gaara, tell him about the plan, get this show on the motherfucking road, and maybe prove my innocence. 

Or the fact that I'm indeed, still alive.

Apparently, I'm presumed dead. 

We left at sunset that night. 

The cold reminds me of nights on my roof with Carlie, her tutoring me about all the classes I nearly failed.

But this time, since I'm not too good with the body flicker, Konan has me on her back, flying above the trees.

"So, we have Itachi now?" She inquires.

"Yeah, we do."

"And remind me of the plan here?"

"Find Gaara, tell him about the rest of the Akatsuki, tell him not to kill any of our members so we don't get Tobi as a replacement, see if Kankuro knows anything about ninja lung cancer, come back here with a few details, nothing of importance, or that would help, pretend we couldn't find anything."

"Kid, I hate to break it to you, but you're not a great strategist, considering I've been rogue for ten years, and nobody is going to accept my apology."

"Do I look like I didn't count that in? I didn't have time to run it by strategist number two. The thing I hate to break to you is that I just happen to be on great terms with the Kazekage, and, he knows a thing or six about reform."

Did I just reference Shukaku taking over and nearly killing everyone two years ago? Yes, yes I did.

"Your optimism is almost like that Kyubi jinchuriki's... It radiates."

"Is that good or bad?"

"I'm not sure at this point, but it'll get you far, on the path I see you following."

The rest of the night was dead silent, minus the flapping of wings.

Tomorrow's a new day, and it'll be an exciting one.


	13. Chapter Twelve: Homecoming, King

(A/N. I edited chap 8, which states now that he's been captive for 2 weeks. so it would make sense as to why he's assumed dead, and so it makes more logical sense.)

The morning sun rose far too quickly. Sure, the sun has a rise and a set time, but I didn't sleep a wink (my nerves got to me), and I was exhausted with a capital E. 

Now, I may have only been by the base a few days, fourteen or so, I'd counted. 

Long enough to be considered dead by Suna's standards, after an unarmed, untaught, version of myself went up against one of their most famous missing-nin ever.

Call me lucky, because I felt it. Hey, maybe I even had some sort of poison resistance!

I said maybe. I doubt I do. That's Sasori's domain, not mine. I should probably ask him about that, though.

What doesn't kill you, gives you trauma. -Vine.

Before I knew it, we were at Suna's gates (well, a half-mile from them). The security had increased tenfold, and I mean that literally. They went from two jonin guards to twenty, from what Konan had felt.

Thank God for sensor-nin.

"It's about that time, Kai. You remember how to do it, right?"

I smirk. "I won't need a transformation. I've been presumed to be dead for the last two weeks. They won't be paying attention to you, and odds are, it's a quick ticket to the Kazekage."

"And if it doesn't go our way?" She gave me a side glance.

"It will. I swear it."

I'm sure I heard her mutter something about putting her blind faith into redheads too easily.

She changed into the average passerby of suna, brown hair, brown eyes, classic side character.

Now, I impress the guards (ish.)

Not sure how that was supposed to go, but the second one saw me, and matched the face with the picture on the missing board (conveniently placed next to the entrance, of course), he noticed that it was definitely me, the same missing kid who'd legally been dead for two weeks, and some random chick he'd found in the desert.

Needless to say, they all looked absolutely baffled.

I would be too if a dead man had shown up at my place of work and asked to see the leader.

One of the guards, who I'll call 1, responded to my request with "You want to do what?" before giving me the judgemental parent glance.

Another guard, who I'll call two, tried to convince 1 that I was indeed the real Kai that went missing in a terrorist attack two weeks ago.

It took twenty minutes before Konan and I made our way up the tower stairs to explain the predicament we were in.

"Kai, is it really you that I'm seeing?"

Gaara's eye rings had gotten worse. Way worse. 

His face looks stained red too. I can't tell if it's from tears or rosacea caused by alcohol damage. 

Probably tears, knowing he doesn't drink much. 

"In the flesh. And I've got one hell of a story for you."

He was at a loss for words. 

I gave Konan a signal, and she shifted back into the cloaked and blue-haired form I knew her as.

"Y-you're one of the people who kidnapped Kai!" He stammered.

I rolled my eyes. "Gaara, it's me. Do you think that in my right mind I'd bring someone with bad intention here?"

He shook his head.

"She's part of my plan. The rest of the organization, minus Itachi Uchiha, are after something. The tailed beasts. You're a jinchuriki, which is why they wanted you." I take a deep breath. He's not going to believe this one, I bet. "It turns out Sasori can't tell between a broken chakra system and an additional one."

"So, your saying, that is jinchuriki are in danger, and that someone mixed us up?"

"Exactly." Konan buts in. "Konan of Ame, at your service. Kai convinced me that our plan was not the one for peace."

Gaara smiled. "Reminds me of someone I know."

"We're here on a supposed recon mission, to find more info on you. Of course, I'm not the type to submit that easily. I came to warn you, and to contact the others if you can. Stay in the village. Avoid anyone with the cloaks Konan and I are wearing. We hope to recruit Sasori next, as well as Deidara. Neither of them has strong ties to the organization."

"As long as you promise your safety, Kai. Peace isn't an easy road." He stands up and walks over to us, grabbing me into a group hug. "Kankuro and Baki missed you. I think we should all visit them."

You can probably guess the first thing Kankuro did upon my arrival. 

Lecture me while hugging me, scruff my hair as Baki does, and hug me again.

"Kid, you scared the living sand out of me!"Kankuro exclaims 

Did he just say that? Yes, he did.

"You had us convinced, I'll say," Baki adds.

Kankuro chuckles and points, "nice new getup, kid."

I give him a brotherly "fuck you" look. "My alliances lie with people, not a ring and a slashed headband."

"They teach ya that voice?" He jokes. 

"Only for annoying Hidan with how stale I can make myself."

"As I say, if ya can't kill em, bore em."

He fist-bumps me. 

Baki's eyeing Konan a bit. "Who's the pretty lady?"

Konan gives him the scariest death glare I've ever seen. "Konan of Ame. And I suggest refraining from such comments. I managed to beat one of your strongest missing-nin into joining our organization with paper."

Baki backs up. "Hint taken."

I may or may not have been on my knees laughing at Baki's stupidity. 

Now that's how to shut down a player. 

Baki gives me a chest pat. "Nice abs, champ. Same with the burn scars. They suit you."

I smile. I'm extremely glad to be back, even if it's for a short while. 

The time flies, and our two allotted days go by the fastest days have ever gone for me. In a blink, I'm exiting Suna, and Konan no longer had her missing status here, thanks to Gaara. Itachi's lost his here too. 

I know what to tell Pein now. I know Kankuro isn't dead, I know Baki isn't either. It eases my nerves knowing everyone's alright.

Konan smiles. "I like them. I'm glad you chose them to work with, both for technical reasons and for the hospitality they've given us." She looks like she's gotten an idea. "And I know you like piercings, so as a surprise, I'm going to wrangle Sasori into giving you one. That's tomorrow's issue, though."

She picks me up halfway through the way home and puts me on her back.

"It's going to be a long, hard road, but you've got the spirit he did. I put my faith in redheads too often, but this time, I won't get it wrong."

Sometimes, we just need some faith in ourselves.

——-/———- short for word count purposes.

"I still don't understand the logic behind Konan coming to me for this before she came to the guy with piercings."

Sasori rolled his eyes.

"Sasori, I've told you this. I grew up with him. He's more likely to Shinra Tensei a rod in his face than to actually pierce it.

I have to give her credit. Konan is an amazing debater.

"Right, because he'd do that. Let's just get this over with. Where do you want it, brat?"

I think he's referring to me because if he was referring to Konan like that, he'd get his ass kicked. 

"Septum."

"I'll give you one thing. You're a brave one."

Sasori wasn't a piercer by any standard, but even he knew how piercings were, I assumed.

"Don't ask me why I own piercing needles and clamps, either, brat."

Konan had a spare loop from her labret, which coincidentally fit into the area I wanted my piercing done. 

Sasori took out a cotton ball and doused it in rubbing alcohol, cleaning the spot.

"Alright, this might hurt, a lot."

I must say, the clamp was annoying as hell. 

"On three. One, two-"

And of course, he decided to surprise me on two. 

What did I expect? He's Sasori. It hurt a lot less than he said, though. 

Puppets don't feel much pain, do they?

I guess that concludes this. I have a nose ring now. It's spiky. Pein might kill me later for it, but I have one.


	14. Chapter Thirteen: Sparky

"Kai, Konan. I see you've both returned safely."

We bow.

"What information have you both collected?"

I start. "The security of the village has increased significantly since the attack. Twenty border guards around the clock."

"You could get in?"

"Yes, sir."

I tuned out after that. It's all just "status?" or "can we capture it?"

The 'it' part irks me a bit. Being referred to that way, no matter the person pisses me off. 'It' is only acceptable if that's what you prefer. Simple as that. 

I tune back in, this seems important. He's giving us a time frame.

"At our current pace, we should have the Ichibi within the next month."

Well then, Gaara better have himself protected...

"By then," he looks at me. "Kai, you'll be assigned a tutor under your chakra nature. Last night was your initiation. You are no longer a child. You are a fully fledged member of this organization."

Proving my loyalty, that's what it was about. Part of me had a suspicion it was, most of me didn't. 

He holds out a sheet of paper. "Focus on this. We'll be working from here."

Chakra paper. Real smooth, Pein. 

Do they even have any wind, earth, or lighting users? I guess Kakuzu counts, but he's a pain in the ass, and I'm sure Pein is smarter than pairing a nineteen-year-old with a ninety-year-old. 

And yes, I do have half-decent chakra control. Not S level, but I can deal for now.

Here goes nothing. 

The paper crinkles.

Guess I'm a lighting user. If someone calls me sparky, I might be able to chidori them.

Pein gives me an "oh shit" look.

"We don't have any lightning users besides Kakuzu, who's busy... how's working with Deidara and Sasori for this?"

"You look at me like I have much of a choice." I reply.

"You don't. I'm letting you know. Since you don't have a tutor, I'll be giving you scrolls to read from."

Great, reading. How fun. 

When I get back to my room, there's a scroll with a note (from Pein, I assume,) and what looks to be a grass cutter katana.

Hell to the yes. I know exactly what I'm doing with this thing. I don't think the sword was from Pein, however. Pein doesn't know that I like swords, that's more up the alleys of people I enjoy the company of.

It's gift wrapped, or just about as gift wrapped as a sword gets. 

This thing is beautiful out of the wrapping. Dark silver blade, freshly sharpened. Red, leather-woven handle cover, etching on the blade that read my name, or what I could assume was my name, in kanji.

There's another sticky on the inside.

"We figured we'd get you a gift for passing your initiation. Welcome to being one of us!"

I read aloud.

"Hidan, Deidara, Itachi, Sasori, and Konan."

I'm blown away. They really did this? 

I look at my door. The five I mentioned prior are in my doorway. 

"That's us, hm!" Deidara chuckles. 

"You know brat, you're not too bad." Sasori says, "certainly not as bad as the blondie."

Hidan is practically bouncing off the walls. "Can I call ya sparky now? Pleaseeeee?" He gives me the puppy dog eyes. 

I roll my eyes. "Fine. Only in moderation."

Konan pulls us into a group hug. 

"Welcome, Kai."

She's smiling like a proud mother. 

I go through the rest of the day with no problems.

——

I don't have another mission for quite a while. Not until the sealing, I assume. I really don't want to have to participate in that. Not a single bit. That's the downside of the cloak and ring. I hope my warning helps. 

The jutsu inside the scroll is basic, three signs, lightning release.

As a bonus, it's got the simplest name in all history. Lightning style: lightning bolt. 

Seems easy for a beginner.

I'd call it about a C and a half on the ranking scale. 

I'm out in the fields currently. Lightning and rocks don't work well, and because of Deidara's tendencies, the base has blown up enough times that Pein gave us a field.

My sword, whom I've dubbed sparks, is resting at my side. I'm not gonna need it for this.

Step one: hand seals.

Monkey, ram, dragon.

Lightning release: lightning bolt.

Step two: make the cloud.

I focus creating one.

A small cloud conjures against the perfectly sunny sky. 

Step three: the actual lightning. 

I raise my hand again, almost like Deidara does, and the bolt strikes down. 

A crack rings out, and there's a flash of light, temporarily blinding me. 

Was the cloud the size of a small Boulder? Yes. Was the bolt tiny? Yes. 

Does that matter? No. 

I admire the small patch of scorch. Imagine what I'd be able to do with the lightning if I could use it like Sasuke does!

I decide to try again. 

Monkey, ram, dragon.

Channel chakra into a cloud shape.

This time, I'm going for size, so I concentrate on the cloud. My eyes are closed, and I visualize the cloud expanding and gaining volume. 

Just a bit bigger.

I eventually settled on a size. This should work.

If anyone knows how clouds and lightning work, it's how this works. You use chakra to influence the charges in the cloud, so it strikes where you want. I thank my science class wholeheartedly for teaching me that, minus the chakra part. Who knew I'd use all the bullshit I learned about protons and electrons? I didn't. 

Alright, here goes nothing. 

The hairs on the back of my neck stand up. The thunder rolls and the flash singes the ground. It's warm from where I am, and hotter the farther in you get. I can feel a surge along the ground near me. 

I open my eyes. This scorch mark is huge in comparison to the other one. The adrenaline is rushing in me. 

Holy. Hell. That felt badass.

I'm still on ass when Deidara comes out. He's the next one I needed to convince, actually. 

"Damn, Sparky! I didn't take you for an artist, but this, this is beautiful, hm!"

Oh how very Deidara of him.

"It took a damn lot of my energy, though."

"So what? You'll get better, hm! I'm half lighting user myself. I'm surprised Pein didn't send you to me."

Of course Pein forgot to mention Deidara was half lighting user. The Explosion release is half lighting half earth, right?

"Not sure why. He probably forgot, or just wanted for me to learn on my own."

Forgot about Deidara my ass. 

"I've got a few critiques, if you'll accept em." He's studying the ground of the hit, mumbling something about art.

"First, don't wait so long on the cloud size. The energy you're using should go to the bolt. Second, work on timing. In battle, you don't have five minutes to sit there, hm." He pauses and turns back towards me. "And by the way, Konan told me about your plan. I'm in. Not for peace, but for being able to create my art with less restrictions... as for you, I'll be helping you with your lightning. You'll need it, if we're going up against who she says we are, hm."

Right, that. I'm glad she's got this one. Not sure how I'd be able to convince him. 

I thank him.

"No need for that" he smiles.. "Konan says you've got a few other surrogate brothers back in Suna. You up for one more, Sparks? Because as much as I doubted you in the beginning, you've got what it takes. And I'd be honored to be considered your big bro, hm!"

"Welcome in, then. And I'd gladly have you as family."

He fist bumps me. "One request. Drop the whole 'stale and boring bastard' thing, hm?"

"Will do."


	15. Chapter 15

"Show me again! They look badass, hm!"

Ever since last week when he decided to train me, Deidara has been very interested in me. In particular, my chest and arm scars from the accident. 

"Fine." I pull down my collar a bit, not showing my binder.

"Sorry if I ask too much, but it's so fucking cool to have a little bro who was bleeding out in the sand one minute, and BFF's with the Kazekage the next, hm!"

He's a fanboy if you can't tell.

"Don't try it yourself. I was convinced I was going to die." I tell him.

"Well, you're interested in my hands, hm!"

"Dei, I don't know how to put this, but your hands are a scientific anomaly. One should not be able to have living creatures sprouting from their palms. Those are typically parasites."

"I hardly understand a word you said, but what I can understand is that you've been paying too much attention during the education hour, hm."

I roll my eyes. 

"And you're too busy staring at people's asses."

"Hey! Not my fault half the people here are hot, hm!"

If you can't tell, Deidara is a raging bisexual. And I mean raging. We might not see many girls around here, but when he's out, he tells me all about the local lads and ladies.

"I'm kidding, Dei. I don't get it myself, but I'm glad you're at terms with yourself."

"Same with you, little bro. The world's a harsh one when you're different, but we gotta stick together, hm!"

He gives me a fist bump.

"Now, I'm gonna teach you something cool, and a bit sciency, if ya squint, hm!"

"I never thought you'd say the word 'science', Dei. You've come far."

"Oh quit it, this'll be cool, hm!"

"What is it exactly?" 

Dei and science are not friends. Trust me. Hell, Dei and anything remotely smart isn't friends. At least he's better than Hidan. That's all I'll say.

"An electric border. Kinda like a fence. I thought you'd like something like that, hm."

"Dei, that's smart. Really smart. Maybe I need to give you more credit-"

He interrupts. "It uses that electricity theory thing that you go on and on about. You know, the cloud, and the particles? It's that, minus the cloud, hm."

"You paid attention when I told you how that worked?"

"Yeah, of course, I did, hm!"

"And you made an entirely new jutsu out of it?"

"Hm." He nods.

I have to admit, I'm a bit blown away. He's not the sharpest tool in the shed unless it's the middle of a fight. 

He hands me a scroll, written in his signature messy scrawl.

"Read it. I'll be back in a bit, and this should keep you busy. My clay's running low, hm."

Lightning Release: Electric Barrier.

Created By: Deidara.

I chuckle at the name.

Directions: Form hand seals. Press your palm to the ground to channel chakra to the air and ground around the target, then up into a cylinder around a target. Wall shapes are also possible but are not recommended due to the chance that a target will run around them.

Poor buddy, he must've had that happen before. Or he knows I'd do that.

Charge the intended area with lightning chakra.

Not how that works, but sure. I know what he means. Channel the electric part of the chakra.

Increase voltage at will. Can be used as offense or defense depending on the scenario. Can also be used for the capture of the target.

Seals required: Ox, Boar, Ram, Hare, Snake.

Advanced, mastery recommended before attempting: Can be done without hand seals, and without pressing the palm down. Requires more focus.

Bonus: The shape can be changed, even if the technique is in use. Good for traps.

And to think Deidara made this up. I didn't even know he could separate the lightning and earth parts of his chakra yet!

He's on to something, though. If lightning and charges work through particles in the air like in this jutsu, there are about eight million other potentially deadly things you can do with it.

Hell, you could even use this to hunt!

Maybe Carlie was right about me being good with electricity. I almost got killed because of it, but this world proves I've got an affinity for it. Even in the literal sense.

I don't think this'll burn the grass, so I settle on another target. A small stick. If I can set it on fire, that should prove I can do this.

Ox, Boar, Ram, Hare, Snake.

Here we go again. I have my eyes open this time, for the kicks of it. A light yellow tower emerges when I slam my palm down. The tower buzzes.

We have liftoff.

I wonder, can I create individual strikes from within the tower?

It's worth a shot.

Kinda like the lightning bolt, in a way. Just make the particles rub against each other, and let science do the rest of the work.

A small spark flashes within the tower. I'll call that a success.

Maybe I should try it with the second set of hand seals? That might work better.

Monkey, Ram, Dragon.

Hell. Yes. 

It worked, and I've now incinerated a stick. Very fun. 

I give myself a silent cheer. Barriers are certainly intimidating, for one, and the threat of an already electric fence striking you is pretty scary if I do say so myself.

Only one issue, and that's earth users, but I don't know any that I'd ever fight, considering Tobito is mainly a fire user.

Dei comes back from collecting clay, covered in dirt.

"Little bro, was that your explosion I heard, hm?"

I nod, excitement twinkling in my eyes.

"I said to learn the jutsu, and somehow, on your first try, you've already made it your own, hm! That's always a good sign!"

Oh, the irony of almost dying from an electricity issue and being a lightning user.

"Pein should've given ya to me way earlier! It's only been a week and you're already my little artist!" He coos.

"I think I fit the bill of arsonist better than an artist. The grass hates me."

"So what?" He sticks his hand in one of his pouches.

"Dei, what the hell are you doing?" He only gives me a laugh for a response.

"Target practice. I taught you this, so I'm gonna test just how well you can target objects. "Oh, and anything goes. Use whatever's in your arsenal. Think of it like what we did on your first day, hm."

He re-creates his bird-dragon-thing and hops aboard with an "hasta La Vista, motherfucker" expression.

It takes him a total of three seconds to start chucking his clay at me. Not fun.

I manage to perform the needed hand signs and slap my palm to the ground, keeping the clay figure suspended in the tower before the voltage blows it up.

Another one comes down, and this time, I kick it.

And another, and another. It's the same thing as last time, with the difference that My chakra was already half exhausted (low chunin level reserves, remember?), and that there isn't a pattern.

Then, I think of a reasonable alternative to making tall pillars. Spheres. Why the hell not?

When he throws the next one down, I catch it in a ball, which it blows up in.

Modern problems call for modern solutions, after all.

The next one that I catch, I throw back in my lightning ball. Dei gives me a mix of looks. One is a surprise, the other is aggravation.

"How'd ya like a taste of your own medicine, Dei?"

He chuckles. "I don't, hm."

The battle continues on like that until we're both exhausted. I'd say it was a good day, and a productive one.

A/N.

I know these sound like filler, but I promise they're not. It's for the development of relationships, and what Kai can do. My transitions are shit, hence all my timeskipping. Expect more of those.


	16. Chapter 15: Felt Cute, Might Invade Suna Later

Another two weeks passed in the blink of an eye. Before I knew it, the day arrived. 

Yes, that day.

The day we were scheduled to pay Suna a 'visit'. 

Bad idea of Pein to set up the three of us, two of which were part of a conspiracy.

You guessed it. I was with Dei and Sasori. 

Sasori was silent the entire time. Dead silent. If he were to say anything, it was usually an insult, followed by 'brat'. He hates people. A lot. 

However, we had to talk to him for this to work. Our plan required cooperation. That and a bit of betrayal.

Well, betrayal of the given mission. I don't plan on betraying the team. 

Deidara stops the bird midair, forming a bit of the clay around Sasori's feet.

"Deidara, what is the meaning of this?" Sasori sneers.

"A little something you can't tell Pein about," I reply.

"I said Deidara, brat."

Deidara jumps in. " Danna, I don't want to do this, but I've got a side plan." 

Sasori glares at him.

"What side plan?"

"Keeping the jinchuriki safe. Pein's true plan is to trap the world in a genjutsu by reviving the ten tailed beasts. He's using us, Sasori." Deidara explains.

"Using us? I knew that already. But this genjutsu thing is news to me. Pein said we were on the path to peace..."

"Sasori, we need your help here. Gaara, the keeper of the one tails, knows about the invasion. He'll be with us for shelter. After that, we're faking his capture. The other jinchuriki know too." I interject. 

"So you're telling me that you two managed to uncover a scheme, create a subgroup, and keep in contact with a Kage?"

Deidara continues. "It wasn't just us. It's Konan and Itachi too. They're the ones who made the plans."

"Impressive. And balanced. Brains, brawn, newbie, insider. A well thought out plan. Let me guess. This was the redhead's doing?"

I nod. "What's worse is that this organization isn't even lead by Pein. We have reason to believe he's being influenced by an outside source."

"And who might that be?"

"He's going by the alias of Tobi, currently. He wears a neon orange mask, but we have reason to believe he has the Sharingan."

Sasori scoffs. "Itachi mark 2, huh? Sounds interesting. Not like I have much a choice to join you two in this little manhunt, do I?"

Dei answers this time. "Nope, you don't, hm."

"I guessed as much. I assume they've cleared my name in suna?"

I nod. "That, and we've got a four-star hotel reservation. Having ties comes in handy."

"You're sure about that? And you're sure they trust us?"

"Sasori. This was my village two months ago. The kazekage's trainer and brother pretty much adopted me. I know what I'm doing here."

The clay from his feet recedes into the bird. He continues to roll his eyes from under Hiruko.

"You two are lucky I haven't killed you out of frustration yet." He sighs.

The rest of the ride is as dead silent as the first half was.

———-

The feeling that hit me upon seeing the gates were expected, but a lot worse. My jitters were always like that. It's a mix of nostalgia, anxiety, longing, and fear of Sasori. 

Fear of Sasori is now its own emotion. 

I missed this. The guards are shouting, presumably to have our land, maybe to scare us off. We go with the first option. Upon landing, I showed them my face and ring. They got the message.

When we'd been brought to the shelters, I was both bombarded with questions by the higher-ups and poked many a time by Kankuro. He really liked my piercing. 

Sasori was complaining about my four-star hotel joke because of course, there weren't four-star hotels in Suna. Turns out puppets don't get sarcasm.

Gaara was hunkering down for His own safety. Kankuro was fanboying over Sasori, which I approved of. They'd be great friends. 

Gaara starts to speak. "Do any of you know how we're supposed to evade this organization? And my capture?"

"I do, sort of. We've got half the organization. The only other person on our list is Hidan. As for the evasion part, that's where you come in. We're going to need a clone of you, preferably one that also has the chakra of the Ichibi."

Killer bee style, of course. 

"Speaking of him, we've become friends as of recent. I've been in contact with the others, minus the Rokubi and the Sanbi jinchuriki. I've learned the names of a few. They've decided to ally with us as well." He takes a breath. "They'll be on their ways soon, as extra protection."

I cannot tell if that's a good or bad idea. On one hand, it's one hell of a lot of firepower. On the other, there's the issue of being a single target. 

As for the remaining two, one is a Mizukage, who's under the control of Tobito. The other is a rogue who wants nothing to do with being found.

If he's still alive, then the war is still going on in Kiri. Come to think of it, he'd make a good ally. Plus, Tobi. We find him, we find Tobi. 

We find Tobi, we either imprison or kill Tobi. We do either of those, we kill the *very* old Madara, and we win. 

So is the entire future laying on the back of an insanely religious albino and a 4'9 child looking mizukage? Yes. Yes, it is. 

And to think I would have been a college freshman. It has to be at least august back home. Maybe later than that. I wonder how Carlie is... are her and Allie still together? Am I dead? I don't feel dead. I don't look at it. 

My game plan after Madara is to go home. That's it. Maybe tell Carlie. My mom would send me to an asylum for what's gone on in the last few months. 

Turns out my inner idiot said all that out loud.

When I looked up, there were four pairs of eyes on me (the guards left, leaving only the six of us.)

"Excuse me, who is Carlie, and where is home? Who the fuck is Madara, hm?" Deidara practically exploded in my face, "and what's a college? And what Mizukage? And who do I have to kill?"

Gaara gave me a "well shit," face. 

"Dei, Sasori, Kankuro. I have a bit of explaining to do. And by that, I mean a lot."

"I knew there was something off, brat." Sasori chimes in.

"Remember when my chakra was fucked up? It's because I'm from another plane of the universe. Said universe doesn't have a ninja. We just have the good old nine to five office jobs, and if you're lucky, something a bit more interesting. I came here via an electrical malfunction on a project I was doing. It tore a hole in the universal fabric, and said fabric tore me up upon my entry. Baku found me like this. My scars aren't from a battle, Dei. My chakra wasn't a 'mistake', Sasori. It was their growth since my body didn't adapt to this place. Kankuro, I knew you. I knew of you. You all, as cliche as it may be, were works of fiction."

"So you're telling me I was a book? Was it a good book?" Kankuro asks.

"A character in one. My existence here changed the story. People died in the story. I wasn't about to have that. So I fucked it up on purpose. Now, since I'm sure he knows who I am and that this wasn't supposed to happen, we have an issue. That issue is Tobi."

"As in Mr. Hidden Leader?"

"Yeah, him. The worst part is that the bastard controlling Tobi should be dead. You might know him as Madara. He faked his death. He's alive, but barely. He's expecting to be revived. And that's where we all come in. If he can't be revived, and Tobi doesn't join, you don't die. Nobody dies. And nobody fuels that godforsaken tree."

"Then let's fucking do it, hm."

"Yeah, shortie! If you're some all-knowing dude, we promise to keep this quiet. And we're ready to kick some ass!"


	17. Chapter 17

"When we come out of this cave, nothing that was said inside of it will be repeated. Gaara will make his clone, Deidara, Sasori, and I will fly back and pretend we didn't know. After that, come to the base armed. Bring as many people as are eligible. We will fight with you. Once we have the others either subdued or on our side, we'll set out to find the mizukage."

"And to think that two months ago, you couldn't kick me without falling..." Kankuro shakes his head. "You've grown."

Thanks for the compliment, I guess.

We would be staying in the cave if there weren't guests to greet. Gaara did tell us that we'd be meeting people...

I must say, I was a tiny bit nervous. Being in the same place as the people my friends antagonized fucked one up pretty well. 

It occurred to me that the people I'd be meeting were actually important to the canon storyline. In particular, Naruto (the main character,) and Bee, who was a pain in the ass to talk with, but overall trained Naruto to one of his most powerful forms (KCM.) On top of that, If I remember correctly, the guards for Bee and Naruto are none other than the Raikage and Kakashi, maybe Yamato if I was lucky.

The fact that I'm somehow older than Naruto scares me slightly. And by that, I mean I'm nearly shaking out of social anxiety. 

Kankuro pulls me aside. "Kid, calm down. I get that he's the spectacle in your world, but this isn't your world. And you won't scare him, I promise." He rubs my shoulders in an attempt to calm me down. 

"How about I put that cloak somewhere else? Deidara's got his off."

"Thanks, Kankuro." I take off the cloak, attempting to slide my ring off. 

I've officially defected from the Akatsuki. 

The weight on my shoulders is gone, both literally and figuratively. My shoulders haven't felt the air in a long time. My binder hides my chest even better under the mesh. My short hair feels amazing when I run a hand through it.

I'm happy with how I look today. 

The best part of this place is the lack of gendered clothing. Guys can wear crop tops all they want. Girls can wear tees and jeans. It's a lot more freeing.

Hell, Dei's running around in a crop top right now, thanking Gaara and smiling like an idiot.

I stretch my hands. It feels good to be able to move my knuckles. As soon as I get the chance, I'm burning that thing. And I'm smashing the ring.

Sasori's in his old Suna jacket and headband too, wooden joints showing a bit. He looks happier.

There's dust kicking up in the distance, but it's not a sign of disaster. It's from walking.

They're here. 

Surprisingly, like with the Akatsuki, a theme song does not play. I wish it did.

I can almost make out the spikes of hair on the characters.

I shake my hands out a bit. Here goes nothing.

\------------------------

"You're Kai, right? I'm Naruto, dattebayo!"

Holy shit he has more energy than I thought he would.

"Yep. I'm Kai..." I trail off a bit.

"You're Gaara's friend, right?"

My hand goes behind my head. "He saved my life."

Naruto continued blabbering on about his life, telling me every little gory detail.

"-and that's how I ended up almost getting kidnapped! Pervy Sage was there, though, dattebayo."

Of course, the infamous "Itachi knocks on his door before kidnapping him." 

It amazes me this kid was legally a ninja. He doesn't even check his door when someone knocks. That's a civilian skill.

Kakashi pulls him away before he blabbers on any more, mouthing 'I'm sorry' to me. 

Sixteen and still mentally five.

Sakura, on the other hand, makes a great conversation. She's considerate, and not yelling in my face.

I end up spending a solid twenty minutes talking about whatever we could. She's got a gift for medicine, I'll say. She'd be good friends with Sasori.

Speaking of him, he's over with Gaara, who's making the clone we need. 

Dei is still running around like the free man he now is. It's beautiful.

It takes only ten minutes after that for the clone to be done, one-tails chakra and all.

For me, it means I'm hiding back in the cloak again, as Kai the rogue. Dei settles down a bit when Gaara calls us all together. Sasori shrugs a bit, even though I know he doesn't physically feel anything.

Kankuro hands us back our cloaks as a few clouds roll in.

That's... Suspicious.

Suna gets almost no rain due to the heated atmosphere. It'd be a miracle if it rained in the summer like it is here.

My ring is back on my finger, and my cloak is on my shoulders as we wave goodbye to those below.

The weight is back and I don't like it.

We board the bird.

The weight isn't just the cloak anymore. I feel anxious, my heart beating out of my chest.

We're twenty feet in the air now.

And then disaster hits in the form of a gust.

A gust of wind that isn't a gust. It's a gale. It's a force. It's pushing us back to the ground. Dei can't keep us flying anymore.

I've felt like this before-

Oh. Oh.

OH SHIT.

I think I have an idea. 

"Dei, we have a problem. That isn't wind. That's the Shinra Tensei. Pein knows we're here."

"Then why hasn't he squashed us like bugs already, hm?"

"Because he's the type to give you false hope and kill you for it. We're valuable to him, and he knows we don't go down easily."

"For fucks sake, can't we have a normal day, hm!?"

I shake my head. No, no we can't. We're us. Normal doesn't apply to ex-criminals. Normal especially doesn't apply to ex members of the Akatsuki.

We hurled towards the ground, making a dent in where we'd taken off. Gaara had taken a protective stance, while the rest were behind him. Kakashi had taken his headband off of his eye, Naruto was making shadow clones (or at least the sign for it).

Once we'd hit the ground, we had Sakura running over and checking us. We were fine, just bruised.

If he wanted war, he'd get a war. 

"We know you know, Pein. There's no use in hiding it. Before you obliterate us, however, we've got a bit of a message."

I paused for a second, syncing with sasori and Deidara.

My back hand subconsciously slid itself over the handle of my sword. 

"You're gonna need more than your six paths to stop us."

My hand pulled it from my holster, and shot it into the air, lightning channeling from it.

Gaara's sand rose. Naruto's clones appeared.

Sasori, Deidara, and I threw off our cloaks, burning them in the lightning that spread around us.

As for the rings, we crushed them. 

"Our alliance is no more Pein. It never was for me. We don't agree with your convictions. We've got a story to tell. We'll explain."

I take another second for the drama of it.

"But first, we're getting revenge for even thinking of hurting the civilians and innocents of this village."

"The path to peace doesn't include more carnage. The path to peace doesn't include the deaths of others. Peace is not violent." I growl.

"And it never will be."


	18. Chapter Seventeen: Logic That The Original Series Refused To Use: Pein Plus Lightning

"Funny that you think your little brigade of misfits can stop me, especially when I trained them, and I brought them here."

I roll my eyes. "I'm not gonna beat around the bush here anymore. It's at least eight to one. There's three jinchuriki here. Three Akatsuki members, and a Kage."

"Fear tactics, how cute. I have my orders, and those are to crush any deserters. I've offered you protection and a safe space, and you go and leave it!"

Deidara shoots me a 'the lion, the witch, and the audacity of this bitch' look.

Dei decides to pipe up. "Excuse me? Safe space? I was literally forced here! So was Kai! Neither of us had a say!"

"Oh, but you did. You lost fair and square."

"In a 3 to 1, when he was 14. Does that sound all that fair to you, Pein?" Pein only glares at me in response, "And Tobi, I know it's you I'm talking to. Pein would have killed us then and there, no ifs ands or buts. You stalled. Plus, Pein isn't the type to brag."

He looked flustered now.

I give Dei a signal to speak next. "What's wrong? Surprised we found out about your hidden motives?"

I've always wanted to say this...

"Well then. The jig is up. We know it."

You have no idea how awesome it feels to finally bust the movie villain. I know this won't be the final fight, but for now, I think we've scared him enough.

"Well then, Kai, if that's even your name-"

"Seriously? You're going with that of all lines? Everyone here knows I'm trans. You aren't scaring anyone with that rhetoric."

My levels of sass are off the damn charts.

He'd exhausted all his plans, by how it looked right now.

"Well then, I hope your children know how to deal with an enraged Nagato."

At that moment, Tobi left Pein's body, which left us with him. Not to mention his aerial advantage.

But when all else fails, we've got Gaara, who's making his huge ass sand wall. Very helpful in times like these.

And for clarification, I don't think Tobito actually took over his body. I assume he once again pulled a Yagura and decided to peace out before Naruto had a chance to talk-no-jutsu him. Can't lose to a yellow-haired orange lover whose only weapon is optimism, can ya?

Welcome to shonen protagonists for dummies. Every single one of them defeats a villain with speech only at some point.

Pein finally regains his ability to move on his own, clutching his head like he's got a headache.

"What..." He groans, still managing to keep his footing.

At once, everyone drew their weapons, prepared for an incoming strike.

"Why am I here...?" He mumbles again, still clutching his head.

Same here, Pein. Three months and I'm still asking that.

Before he regains his strength, I attempt to restrain him.

With a whisper and the five seals I need, I use my lightning to keep his hands behind him, unable to form any seals he'd need.

What the hell else can I do? Electrocute his eyes? I'm not stupid or sadistic enough to even attempt that.

He shoots awake at the buzzing in his hands.

"Kai, Sasori, Deidara..." 

He knows it's us now.

"You three defected, according to my sources."

I nod.

"I'm sorry, you three, but I've got no choice here. You remember the terms. The only way to leave is through death."

I scoff. "One of your 'sources' possessed you five minutes ago, for the record. I'm completely familiar with the 'I'm going to kill you' thing. As for death, he and I are pals."

"Your bravery is impressive, but you are still a naive child. I could easily win without my hands."

I smirk. "Then let's go, shall we?"

It's only a second before I've conjured up a bolt, channeling it through my sword.

He dodges it initially, only for the boomerang effect I've been working on to hit him in the left calf.

"Impressive, newbie. I see you've been taught well."

"You can thank blondie for that."

My hold on his hands break, and he shakes them out, almost to show off.

He doesn't form signs with his hand as you'd expect. Instead, he holds it up like I did my sword, summoning another one of his paths.

Maybe Tobi was right on the equal playing field comment. Six to eight in most cases is a favorable ratio, but in our case, it's not.

We're currently the favored in this battle, assuming he doesn't bring a third path here. I can't tell, but I'd assume he needs to recover some chakra from the Shinra Tensei Tobito used.

He can't walk very well on his leg, either. He stands with a limp from the burns.

The path he summoned is on ground level with us now. I don't know which one this is, but it seems this one prefers close combat.

I am not good with close combat. That's Sasori's job.

"Did you forget? I'm not just one man, Kai."

"I didn't forget, and you are one man. One man with six bodies."

Scare tactics for the win.

"Clever insight. Not many have found that out."

"Let me guess. And the ones who did died?"

He only chuckles, sending a few small pebbles my way with a modified Shinra Tensei.

They're small, but not hard to dodge. I'm only hit by one in the side, which heals itself quickly.

Bonuses of having a friend who works in the medical field. Or poisons field, if medical doesn't work as an accurate descriptor for Sasori.

He takes advantage of my small loss in focus to summon a third path, which from what I remember, is the one who summons shit. The one on the ground right now is the metal one, hence why he's good for close combat.

Next thing I know my left arm is burning, thanks to whatever Pein decided to summon. It takes me a roll in the sand to put it out, and it's still going to scar, but at least I can half use it.

Then a bright idea dawns on me. Cut the heads off (or find some way to shut them down), spare for the tendo path (we all know who's body that is.), and I'm golden.

"An arm for a leg. Nice one." 

I draw my sword, ready to fend off the incoming attacks while readying another barrier. My burns are on my shoulder, not my hands, luckily.

This time, instead of using it on the main body, I use it on the body that takes the most damage from electricity. The Asura, or the Shurado path, as I believe it's called.

Less damage to the allies of mine, the better.

As soon as he's ensnared, he can't move. It's a tight cylinder for a barrier this time. I have the volts set higher than with Pein's hands, as to ensure he won't break out.

"Smart boy, using lightning against metal."

"Thanks for the idea, Mr. Magnet."

Did he think that he'd never come in contact with a capable and somewhat intelligent lightning user? Because his entire body is covered in metal rods that are built to conduct.

I'm sure now that his piercings are my saving grace.

I create another bolt. However, This might be my last chance to get an attack in. I'm at half my chakra from two attacks. This one, due to its sheer size and need for planning, is gonna cost me.

The cloud is the largest I've ever made. It covers our battlefield.

When I'm ready, I let the bolt loose, making sure to hit all the points I need.

The path that's in the barrier? Check

The path that's trying to summon a giant rhino? check.

And finally, Pein himself.

Thunder roars behind me as the light flashes, taking the three out in one go. It's beautiful.

I've almost got tunnel vision now. I feel nauseous.

I blackout in the sand, and wake up in a hospital.


	19. Chapter Eighteen: A Butt-Ton Of Gender Euphoria To Overcome The Angst From Last Chapter

As much as I didn't like waking up in hospitals, it was one of my most common places to wake up. 

At least I didn't electrocute myself further. I mean, I could have ended up as Pein did. 

The look on his face when I hit him was priceless. Full on "shit, I didn't think this through did I?" In its purest form.

I decided to sit up and open my eyes.

Well unholy shit, the whole gang is here. 

Is that Sasori in a doctor's outfit? Did he get a license or something? Do they even have those?

And is that Deidara in his homeland's vest? Good god, that's trippy.

"Morning, sunshine." Dei chuckles.

"Hey, that's my line!" I retort.

"Well, it's mine now."

He goes in for a hug and Sasori pulls him back.

"He's not healed completely, no hugs yet. Doctors orders."

So he was a doctor now. Interesting. 

"Not my fault he's got an affinity for lightning, scarring his abs over, and breaking them," Deidara says. I guess I do tend to break my ribs. 

Sasori pipes up. "Before you ask, yes, I am technically a medical professional. Creating puppets is like surgery, in a way."

I laugh.

"But, you're lucky. You didn't break anything as Deidara said, but the amount of electricity mixed with the chakra exhaustion landed you here. You're going to have some wicked ab scars for a while, but you won't need a brace like last time."

Thank god, I can still wear my binder. Thank fuck.

He closes the visitation curtain. "I'll be out in five minutes, I need to discuss this privately."

He kneels at my bedside. "Deidara and Gaara have told me about your predicament."

I gulp a little. "What'd they say?"

"They explained the concept of gender dysphoria, for one, and why you always wear that tank top."

Phew. Nothing too bad.

"Being who I am, I've decided to create a synthetic version of testosterone for people like you."

Is he being serious? 

Who am I kidding, he doesn't have a sarcastic bone in his body. He doesn't have any bones, actually. He's literally wood.

"And you're serious?" My eyes light up.

"When was the last time I wasn't serious?"

"The twelfth of never."

"There is no such thing as the twelfth of never. I don't recall 'never' being one of the months."

Good to see that some things never change...

"It's sarcasm, Sasori. I meant that you've not been serious."

He gives a small chuckle.

"I'd better ask Deidara about that, then. He's been teaching me. As for you, I've also opted to do your mastectomy when the time comes. I don't have a scheduled time, but after we finish our endgame."

I give him just about the biggest smile I can. "If I could hug you right now, I would."

"Kai, please don't. Your abdomen is a scarred mess."

"Never said I was going to."

He opens the curtain again. 

Doctor Sasori... sounds kinda cool. What's his last name registered under? I'm not sure if Suna even mandates it, with Gaara being Gaara and all.

If it's Sasori Akasuna I might flip.

He unhooks my fluids and sits me in a wheelchair. 

"You're free to go, just don't overexert yourself. You're still healing." He scruffs my hair as Kankuro and Dei do. "Oh, and you've got a bit of an entourage outside."

Excuse me, entourage? How much did I fucking do to get an entourage? Or what I assume to be the equivalent of paparazzi?

Gaara has to wheel me out. There are people practically throwing themselves at me, but they stay off after realizing I can't even walk for myself. 

"Is it true you took down the invader by yourself?"

"Is it true you're close with our Kage?"

"Is it true that you infiltrated the enemy?"

"Is it true that he's finally dead?"

For fucks sake, is this normal!? What in the nine circles of hell does Gaara deal with?

Gaara shoos them with his sand. 

"You know we're going to need to do a press briefing soon, right?"

"I assumed we did.

"Chin up. It's not that bad. I do them all the time. Plus, I've got something for you, considering we've got one tonight."

He continues wheeling me and wheels me up the tower stairs. We (well he) walks in.

Standing there is Hidan in a suit, necklace tucked in with a jashinism symbol embroidered on his pocket.

Next to him is Konan, in a straight-up breathtaking dress, with her piercing changed (she has a ring that ends in a flower).

Not to mention her outfit is covered in rose patterns. 

Then there's Itachi, who looks like a businessman, red tie, black suit, and his signature necklace.

Wait.

Hidan? How the hell did we get Hidan on our side? And when? 

"Hey, newbie!" He smiled. "Guess who joined the I hate pein club? Me!"

I look at Konan. "How the hell did you convince him?"

She laughs. " I didn't. He joined us by himself."

"That's right! As long as I can still make sacrifices for Jashin, I'll join you! Plus, getting rid of this shadow dude frees me from this organization. And don't worry about any initiations. I broke the ring already, and I never wear the cloak correctly. There's no use for it when all I use it for is to cover my dick."

"Hidan! Language!" Konan nearly smacked him upside the head.

"Japanese. My language is Japanese."

If I could've been, I would've been on the floor laughing. 

"Simmer down, you three. Don't we have something for Kai?"

Hidan shuffles a bit with the others, getting into position.

"Surprise!"

It's a suit like Itachi's, black, sleek. The fabric looks amazing. There's a red tie like his too, but it's more on the orange side. Hidan hands me a pair of cufflinks for the sleeves. They've got the pattern of the Akatsuki's trademark cloud.

"You like it?"

Now, this takes the cake for the best part of my day. "Do you see the look on my face? Of course, I fucking do! I've always wanted a suit!"

Konan hands me the rest of the outfit, practically shoving me into Gaara's bathroom. (Friendly reminder that I can indeed walk and dress, it's just easier to have someone push me.)

Guess this is my time to shine.

As fast as I can, I'm in the shirt and pants, and after some assistance from Itachi and Hidan, my cufflinks and tie are successfully installed. Konan changes my septum ring out from the one she gave me to a full ring with small red rubies. 

She pulls out a mirror and a pair of shoes.

I look like myself again. My true self. 

I'm grinning like a maniac. 

"Just wait until Dei and Sasori see you! They'll love it!"

I'm in my chair again with Itachi pushing me, the rest of the team not far behind.

"Sasori and Dei are going to a press briefing? I thought you all were just here for moral support." I ask.

Everyone's eyes go to Gaara's general area. "You forgot to tell him?"

"Tell me what?"

"That you're receiving a medal of honor from the council."

"I'm doing what?"

This is news.

"You saved the lives of thousands, Kai. Of course, they're awarding you for it."

Did I really do that? That's nuts. Self, I'm impressed with you.

I was briefed in the hallway of what had ensued after I passed out.

Pein's bodies had lost connection to him, thus making them useless. The only one worth saving was dug from the rubble. (remember, he did use Yahiko's body as a weapon at one point), and after a lengthy explanation from Konan, he decided to stop pursuing the tailed beasts.

Poor dude had some weak convictions.

Needless to say, we still had Tobito to deal with, but that wouldn't be as bad with a Rinnegan user.

As for the poles in his back, Sasori, being the half medic he is, was also working on a cure of sorts for those. You can't cure poles in your back, but you can take them out.

By the time they finished explaining, we were already in the auditorium.

Dei and Sasori were indeed there and were both shocked to see me in my current getup. We didn't have long until I was supposed to be on stage, so the two left with everyone but Gaara to be in the front row.

Dei gave me a pat on the shoulder and a "good luck, little bro." before he left.

When they called my name out, Gaara pushed me in my chair to the edge of the auditorium stage.

"For your heroic duties, I now present you with Sunagakure's highest honor. Thank you, Kai, for your deeds."

An announcer hung a medal around my neck.

For the fiftieth time that day, I smiled like an idiot.


	20. Chapter Nineteen: Windows and Sasori's Social Awkwardness

I wasn't the type to constantly smile like an idiot, but when I did, I did it a lot. 

Like today. I managed to get a medal, my brother's best friend reinstated, my brother, reinstated, a new suit, and a family full of formerly rogue nin. 

Minus Itachi who still had his "I'll die at my brother's hand." Thing going for him. 

Besides that, we were as happy as a bunch of criminals could get. (I'm not a criminal, they were.)

I don't feel like boring you with unneeded details, but I'll tell you that my next week was press briefings and interviews.

Trust me, those were boring.

As for the status of Nagato, he was successfully de-poled and is now resting in Ame's hospital. Who knew teamwork was helpful? The Akatsuki certainly didn't. 

Not like he won't have scars. We all know he will, and he probably won't be able to walk for a few months, but that's better than being stuck in a barrel.

I still had to deal with the Akatsuki, in one sense. The tailed beasts and jinchuriki were still in moderate danger. Nagato didn't stop his plans. But he did decide to do some research on how to kill fewer people.

Not sure how he'd do that. Probably modifying the statue or something. More accurately, ask madatobito, probably. 

I got to wear that suit a lot the last few days. That was nice. What's even better though? 

I started T. 

Sasori's a lot more of a scientist than he'll ever get credit for. 

I mean, creating a synthetic version of a naturally existing hormone. That's some crazy shit right there. 

Then again, everything he does includes systems in the body. *cough* *cough* 

And to all my trypanophobia pals, I've got your back. It's a gel. 

The only downside is I smell like it for the rest of the damn week. Not a bad smell, just kinda chemical-y. The suit and cologne mask it pretty well.

Sasori knocks on my door. He's the only one made of wood here, hence why I know it's him knocking.

"Come on in," I answer.

I'm getting dressed for the day. 

Before you ask, yes, my genitals and other areas are covered. 

"I'm just here to see how your treatment is progressing."

"Seems to be going well. Hormone replacement takes a while. No need to rush it." I finish getting my jacket on and changing out my stud piercings to some black moon cuffs.

There's a big banquet in a few hours, and I know I won't have time for anything besides my tailoring. Sunans are perfectionists. 

I may or may not be extremely nervous. This one feels different.

"May I touch your face? I'd like to see how your jaw is coming along." He asks.

"Strange request, but sure. You're the doctor here." I remark. At least he didn't randomly touch me like some weirdo.

"Chin up."

I raise my head, and he runs his hand on my jaw to my chin. 

"About the amount of progress I expected. Good. You're not in any pain, right?"

Being touched by a dude who's all wood is creepy, but interesting. 

"No, not beside the typical soreness," I reply. 

It's true. My jaw is a little sore, but that's not just from it growing. That's from eating new stuff too. 

"Good, good." He muses. Very mad scientist like. "I've done my work well."

"I say you'd make a good doctor, Sasori. Pretty sure Gaara does too. Assuming you lose the creep factor."

"Yes, that. Deidara's working on my behavior with me. He says I've also got a potential career as a 'piercer'."

"He's right on both of those."

He finishes 'inspecting' his work. I finish up clasping my necklace.

"I suppose he is."

Sasori leaves the room. 

Dei is definitely getting a pat on the back from me later. Teaching Sasori emotions is going to be difficult, but useful. 

There are only three hours until the banquet now. I'm not sure how long tailoring takes, but three hours is cutting it close.

I flicker like I've been taught to the local tailor, who's finishing up another suit.

"Hello? I have an appointment?"

I'm practically shaking about tonight.

She looks me up and down and ushers me into the other room.

"Thank you for your services to the village, good sir." She gushes.

"It's really no big deal, ma'am. I'm doing my job." I'm beet red and blushing, still unused to compliments. 

"It is to most of us. However, You're very humble. It will get you far."

I bow, and she gets working. I have my existing suit with me, putting it on. She looks excited. 

"I have many ideas for this." She pushes another pin into my side and stitches it tighter.

An hour goes by when she's done with the alterations. I attempt to step off of the platform she has me standing on.

"Not yet. It's not done." She says, "I've still got a surprise for you that I need to add. Go sit in the lobby. It shouldn't be more than twenty minutes."

I take off what she needs, and surprise surprise, it takes exactly how long she said to get her work done. 

I must say, I'm not the type for figure skating, but this thing looks like it's straight out of Yuri On Ice. It's fucking great.

Lightning patterns on the shoulders, glitter on the way down from the bolts, and two lightning cuff links, courtesy of her. 

"I figured I should highlight a couple of things about you, considering this banquet is in your honor."

My eyes are nearly popping out of my skull. 

"Wow. I have no words. This is incredible."

She shoves me in it and sends me on my way. "Now now, don't be late!"

"I won't be. Thank you for this."

Sunans are both perfectionists and miracle workers. 

In less than five minutes, I'm at the banquet hall, dressed in my most formal attire. It's decorated like a school dance and a wedding all at the same time. Suna is an interesting place, I must say. 

I have a small version of the medal I won on my left shoulder, in the pocket. My piercing of choice is a ring that connects with a lightning bolt. There's a lot of lightning symbolism here.

The air feels different than last time. I can't pinpoint what it is or why. 

I hope it's just my anxiety. That or it's a figment of my imagination. I'm depending on that belief.

The sense of anxiety doesn't leave when I start to shake hands.

It doesn't leave when I make introductions.

It certainly doesn't get better when I'm ushered onto a stage.

It doesn't get better when I make a speech. 

I didn't even write it, yet folks are asking me to speak publicly. I do. 

It's fine, I guess. 

Thirty minutes later, the nerves still haven't settled. The speech is over. I'm done with introductions. I've met the higher-ups. I've thanked them. 

Even when I'm simply talking to people, the feeling won't ease up. Not for a second. 

I can swear I've heard a roar in the background. The windows are painted in such a way that I can't see what's going on outside.

I try to brush it off.

I can't.

The same glass I've just looked out shatters no more than a minute later. 

My anxiety gets worse. So much worse. We're under attack. 

The civilians are ducking under tables. The Shinobi have stood up, weapons in hand.

Then it comes through the hole it created. An enraged being. A red swirling mess of chakra. One with tails. 

Three of those tails. 

This is what he meant. 

Obito. This is his fault. 

And the man turned beast in front of me is the fourth mizukage.

That's why I was anxious.


	21. Chapter Twenty: Damned Uchihas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this to a reverbed version of "Womanizer" By Britney spears. I have no regrets.

So that happened. And now a rampaging tailed beast was terrorizing a banquet. That sounds surprisingly scarier when I say it out loud. 

So here I am. Suit and tie, at a black-tie event held in my honor, having to fight off an enraged three tails jinchuriki. Pleasant.

How can I tell you ask? It's got three tails. And what looks to be Yagura's hair.

Probably Yagura, ya know?

Thank god for the vest I have underneath this suit. 

"Kai! Get ready!"

"I'm fucking trying!" I scramble to unbutton my shirt, taking two kunai from my back pocket. 

The civilians scramble on the floor, ducking under tables and chairs behind our protection. 

"Kankuro! How the hell do you contain these things?" I shout.

"Do I look like I know how?" He replies, rolling his eyes and readying his scrolls.

I'm finally done with the buttons, throwing my jacket off and to the side, readying the kunai I've had in my hands. 

"Itachi! What's the status? Is it him?"

"He's not in his own mind right now. I can't get this under control yet."

"So it is him, isn't it?" I give Itachi my best side-eye. 

"I've got reasons to believe it is." He sighs amongst the chaos. 

For fucks sake, can't anyone have a normal day here!?

I chuck the kunai at the rampaging animal. Not surprisingly, it slaps them away with ease. Great... I think I made him angrier.

It seems we're going with far range today. 

"Step back. Close range isn't going to help until he's restrained." I command, strict but keeping my calm. "Get the civilians out."

Kankuro gives me an "are you sure I should leave?" Look.

I give him a signal to leave. They're the priority here. I can handle myself. 

Currently, it's five versus one. Sort of. The one that we're focused on has the power to destroy a small village.

The first step of action, get the thing's mouth shut. It can't blow us all up that way.

For me, That means more lightning restraints. Oh, how fun. My chakra system is going to want to kill me after this. 

"Itachi, can you do anything here?"

"Contrary to popular belief, no. I can't override someone else's control."

For once, the Uchiha have a weak point. The only downside is I need them to be the overpowered bastards Kishimoto wrote them as. Dammit, Kishi.

"You think you can take this?" 

"Well, I'll try. How's that?"

He nods, facing towards the three tails. 

I'm gonna need gravity for this. And aim. Both of them. My side pack has what I need in it. Steel wire and a few kunai and shuriken. It'll only make a temporary hold, but it'll be useful. If we can get even one of the tails, it'll be good for us. 

Of all the times we don't have a wood user. Or a seal master. Or anyone who can subdue this mother fucker. (Konan and Dei are out rescuing civilians from the place, I have no fucking clue where Sasori is. The three tails don't have blood, so Hidan is useless.)

As quick as I can (not as quick as a flash, I am slow) I tie together batches of kunai and shuriken, two per each respectively. 

"Itachi, I'm going to need those eyes of yours in a sec. I can't aim this..." he looks at me, half surprised. 

"You're not doing what I think you are, are you?" My smirk grows. 

"I'm the world's most predictable wackass. I'm doing exactly what you think I am. Listen, it's the last resort. And I by no means think it's going to go well, but I have to try this."

He shakes his head. "Damned optimists..."

I'll take that as a yes. 

"You better do this correctly, Kai. For your sake..."

"I give you three words, Fucking. Watch. Me."

That was harsh, but I meant it. 

I hand him one of the shuriken sets.

He takes a few looks at the knots, making sure it won't come undone. 

He puts his left hand at his side, making a three with his fingers. He sends a look in my general direction, changing the number on his hands to two.

Then one.

Then he throws it. 

Now this is gonna be good

Lightning style, thunderbolt. 

As fast as I can, I fire off a bolt, aiming for the shuriken. It hits. 

You can see the electricity coursing through it. 

Hell to the yes. 

A perfect hit around the jaw, keeping it locked shut. No more tailed beast bombs. Good. 

I have no clue how else this is supposed to work. Talking him down? Probably not. More projectiles and danger? Probably not. 

When caught between a rock and a hard place, do what naruto would. Talk the ear off of the villain. That always works in shonen, right?

"If you're serious about doing what I think you're about to do, heed the advice that he's got Obito using him like an RC car. It won't get through."

Fucking Uchiha.

"Well then, let's attempt to snap him out of it!"

"I'm trying, Kai. Trying extremely hard."

Whatever he's got under those sleeves of his must work.

"Well then. Plan B. Go for the ankles." I smirk.

Itachi rolls his eyes. "If you're sure that'll work, sure."

I take that as a yes, grabbing another set from my pouch. The best bet is the ankles and feet. If it can fall over, it'll work.

Good thing I was always good at ladder ball.

A swing and a hit. As to be expected. Lightning cables for foot ties. 

We brace ourselves as he hits the ground with a crack. That's gonna leave one hell of a dent. Not like the banquet hall was any more than four cracking walls as of current.

I charge a second set in my hands, aiming higher and throwing them at the partially restrained target in front of me. No surprise, it hits. 

Both sets of feet are tied, and he loses his balance. And lands on his face with the least amount of grace he can. Adorable.

The cloak backs off of him, enraged beast appearance fading quickly. Not to my surprise, a staff clangs to the ground as the figure of a dirty-blonde haired man becomes evident.

It's him. By the looks of it, he's exhausted his chakra, or we managed to get Tobito to back off on the mind control.

He's surprisingly short. It's almost cute.

The rubble settles as we marvel at the sight in front of us.

"He let off. Didn't want any further damage to his prized puppet, I'd assume..." Itachi looks at him.

His ankles have burns from the lightning, but his face doesn't.

Itachi kneels to his neck. "There's a pulse. Get him to a hospital. I can't imagine those burns aren't serious."

We pick him up and sling him over our shoulders, finding the nearest medic. It's not far.

Halfway there, he stirs.

Shitshitshitshitshit.

"Relax. He'll be fine. Considering the way his beast cloak left him, I'd say Tobi left his mind entirely for fear of us tracking him."

"He can do that?"

"He was supposed to be dead, Kai. Of course, he can."

Yagura makes a noise akin to a grunt, shuffling himself around before coming to the realization he's stuck over someone's shoulder.

"H-hey! Put me down! I am not a child!"

Well, that was fast...

"We'll put you down when those scars heal. I'm sure you've broken several bones..." Itachi explains.

"I'm a Kage. You follow my orders."

I interject. "No, you're injured. I'll explain why later, but your legs need fixing."

He scowled at us for the rest of the way to the medic tent.

Here goes nothing...


	22. Water, Sharks, and Samehada: Chapter 21

(Please note that I've changed Pein's stance. He's no longer actively capturing Bijuu, but he does plan to. He isn't after his ex-members, either, as they left on their own accord. Even if it does pose a safety risk for him, he knows that most of them cannot return home, therefore are less of a risk.)

"Start from the top. I did what?"

"You started a massacre. You were under mind control. You got the nickname "Yagura of the Bloody Mist." And a civil war started."

He only blinked at us. 

"How fucking long was I under that genjutsu?"

Truth be told, I don't know, but roughly since Kisame joined. Three years, I think? I have no clue. Kisame doesn't talk about the village.

"At the least, three years. At the most, five or six."

He looks at me with these solemn, tears filled eyes. He's a completely different person now. 

"I know I'm supposed to be the strong one here, my position being what it is, but if you'd let me cry for a second..."

I nod and hand him a box of tissues. It takes strength to cry. He's a strong guy.

Tear after tear hits the ground. 

"I'm joining you. I want revenge on that guy. Nobody steals five years of someone's life and gets away with it. Nobody unleashes a beast on civilians and gets away with it. Nobody ruins another's reputation and gets away with it." He grits his teeth, in a combination of sorrow, rage, and hostility. 

"Welcome to the team then. We're gonna need all the help we can, and with a jinchuriki, you might help give us an edge that we need."

Itachi buts in. "That's assuming we can find him. He's hiding. And he's hiding well." He sighs. "Think about it. Every time we've seen him has been him attacking, not us. Sure, we retaliate, but he never stays."

As much as I hate to admit it, he's correct. There hasn't been a single fight where Obito's stayed. 

"Then I can just get my tracker-nin to find him. Easy."

I exhale slowly. This is gonna be a hard one...

"Yagura, when I said civil war, I meant the village is practically in shambles. Half of them went rogue. It's bad. Really bad." I glance at him.

He almost gulps. "You're serious, aren't you..."

"As much as I hate to say it, I am. That and the seven swordsmen..."

"Go ahead. Lay it on me.."

"One of them went rogue and took the sword with him. He was Itachi's partner before he rejected the Akatsuki."

He looks down with an indignant stare. He grips his hair.

"Please tell me that's the worst of the news?"

"The seven that lived under your reign died. There are only three living swordsmen. Only one of the swords is still in the mist's possession."

He sighed again, cupping his face in his hands. "So I've lost the seven most important swords in my land, let myself become mind-controlled, gone on a bloody rampage more than once, and destroyed my own village?"

"'You' is the incorrect term here. One does not let themselves get mind-controlled. And none of that was actually you."

"That doesn't matter. If enough people think it does, it is." He grimaces, ashamed.

"Well then, we've got a village to convince, and a swordsman to find."

Itachi readies Yagura's crutches and staff.

"You said they died..."

"I said the ones under your tutelage died. I never said they all did. In fact, I said the opposite. Itachi's partner is very much still alive."

Itachi hands him his crutches as he stands up, "well then. Let's start there. If the bitch wants a war, he'll get one. That's a promise."

I like this guy a lot.

———

No more than seven hours later, we're on Dei's bird, heading back to the hideout.

"Feels good to be back in these outfits, doesn't it Kai, hm?" Dei asks. 

The four of us are in our more 'traditional' outfits, consisting of a jacket and pants (the Jonin ones, in each of our villages' colors.)

"It really does. Those cloaks got stuffy." I chuckle.

"I can't believe you two, two absolutely smiling and cheerful kids, became criminals..." Yagura sighs.

"Oh, boy do we have stories for you."

——-

It takes another two hours before we manage to locate Kisame. 

I have no clue what he's doing, but he appears to be bitching about something on a bench. I have no clue why he's sitting on a bench in the open, but he is. (He's blue for fucks sake, it's pretty easy to tell he's a missing-nin and not some lookalike).

We land in a nearby clearing.

Kisame's bitching is louder than before. He's close.

"I know, Samehada. He tasted like vinegar and salt. I don't need to hear about it..."

Oh. My. God. 

He talks to his sword!?

That's amazing. 

"What do you mean there are four people behind me? And for fucks sake, the mizukage doesn't leave the damned village! We're fine."

Deidara kicks me out of the bushes.

"Oh my god, you were right Samehada!" He chuckles. His best friend is a fucking sword. "Kai? Am I dreaming or is that you?"

I roll my eyes. "Of course it's me. Me, blondie, Emo, and pink eyes, who I think you've met before..."

Dei shoves everyone out of the bushes before launching himself out.

"Hiya Kisame! Ya happy to see us, hm?" Dei laughs.

"I...I thought you all died! L..lord fourth, weren't you under Madara's control? Dei.. weren't you killed on that mission to the sand? Kai... you were with him. Itachi... I thought Sasuke killed you!" He stutters.

Itachi sighs. "So they lied... that's one way to cover up a defection."

"You... defected?" He cocks an eyebrow at us.

"Yeah, we did, hm!" Dei punches a fist in the air.

"Sasori, Konan, Hidan... those three are still alive?" He asks.

"They are. Hidan joined us recently, Konan was the first along with Kai, Sasori joined on the mission to the sand."

"I can't believe it... when pein broke the news... I sobbed. And that's rare for me. Samehada was hot pissed that we'd lost the only female in the base..." 

He laughs for a second. "I know, girl. I'm glad they're alive too." He gives Samehada a quick pat. "She hates the newbie. Says he's both hyper and sweet as sugar but could kill in an instant."

My eyes go wide. 

New member, you say? 

"Ring any bells, Yagura?" I shoot him a look.

"Plenty of them." He grits his teeth and cracks his knuckles.

\------

Kisame spends the next twenty minutes with us, hidden in the bushes. (by that, I mean clearing, but bushes sound better.)

He's fairly understanding, luckily.

"Rebuilding the mist. Sounds like a plan, once the orange face is dealt with."

Samehada perks up in agreement. 

"I'm not the type to the desert, don't get me wrong, but if there's one thing I can't stand, It's being lied to. Sure, I knew he worked for them, but I didn't know it was to the extent we lost the swords... Those are Kiri's, nobody else's, unless granted permission by you, lord fourth"

"Do me one thing before I reinstate you. Call me Yagura. Lord Fourth makes me seem old."

They both pick up their weapons, ready to leave.

"Before you go, do you two swear you'll be of assistance in the end?" Itachi starts to finalize the deal.

Yagura and Kisame nod. "Now, the two of us have a six tails jinchuriki to find and a village to restore. Not to mention the swords..."

"Well then, I'll see you both when the time comes." He says.

"We will." Yagura nods.

"Samehada and I definitely will," Kisame adds.

"I'll see you then, Kisame." I smile.

"We'll miss ya, buddy, hm!" Dei laughs.

I don't know when the battle is, but I do know we'll be strong enough.

\-----

A/n.

so y'all might be wondering why I keep converting the Akatsuki...

It's honestly because they're fun as hell to write. I wanted an excuse to write Samehada as a feminist who speaks her mind and won't take a shit. I ended up with this. Don't ask how.

As for Yagura being a decent person, that's taken from the alliance in the war arc.

Hah, I'm a mess at updating too, there's that...

Anywho, if yall have questions, comment em.


	23. Chapter Twenty-Three: A Check In With The Dysfunctional Family Known As The Akatsuki

(filler fluff chapter. enjoy.)

It's been a month. Today's installment goes over what's occurred in the last month. Truth be told, it's nothing monumental, but it's worth mentioning. 

Training, mostly. All over again. 

The sand doesn't have any lightning users, or at least not many that I could work with. Heaven knows Gaara isn't giving me another teacher out of the blue when I've got a working one. 

The pairings are what you'd expect. Sasori and Kankuro work together, being puppet users and all. They work quite well. Hell, Kankuro's gotten one hell of a lot better with Sasori's tinkering.

He (luckily) hasn't killed anyone for puppet material yet. He didn't get that trait, thankfully. 

I'm still with Deidara, working on my lightning, perfecting it, or coming up with some other strange combination of those. 

A personal favorite of mine would have to be the lightning ball, primarily because it's fun, secondarily because it's a good defuser (see Sasuke vs Deidara in the anime for context. Or manga. You do you.) 

Temari and Konan are best buddies now, frequently complaining about the amount of dicks surrounding them (literally. Most shinobi they work with are men.)

Enough with the recapping, here I am. The training areas here are far nicer, better padding (like the Akatsuki base had any at all), and air conditioning indoors.

How you ask? I haven't a clue. I can walk on water and shoot fireballs from my hands. Anything is possible here.

The sun is shining above us. I'm in my gear, sweating a fuck ton. Suna's sun is nothing to laugh about.

"Oi, Kai, hm."

"Dei, I'm up, I'm here, I'm paying attention." I sass.

"Quit that. I'm trying to find something to teach ya!" An irk mark displays itself on his face, taking out a backpack full of scrolls from the library, "You don't have a summon, therefore cannot become a sage, which would've been our best bet. You don't have magic eyeballs either, so I'm going for a classic. One of Kakuzu's, actually, hm."

"You're telling me the old geezer is useful for something other than counting cash?"

"No, he's still the same old limp washcloth, but maybe you can learn something from the bastard, hm."

I chuckle. "Maybe. What is this, anyway?"

He unrolls a scroll. "Lightning Release: False Darkness. Cool name, eh?"

"The name makes no sense, but I'll take it. Anything's better than dying."

He laughs.

"Very true..." he sets the scroll down in front of me. "It's an easy one, actually. B-rank, one sign."

I give him a small glare. "Yeah, but you forgot the 'shooting lightning from your mouth' part..."

"Yet you have a septum ring.." he chuckles. 

I roll my eyes. "Just get over with it. I don't have a clue how long we've got, but I'm certain it isn't long."

——

"Again, Kai. Show me what you've got."

Alright. 

Snake.

Lightning Release: False Darkness.

Collect chakra, inhale...

Exhale.

Yes, it burns. Not that badly, but it burns slightly. 

No, my piercing is not affected. I don't wear it in battle. I am not stupid.

At least not that stupid. Looking at you, Pein. 

Dei throws down a few of his bombs as targets. We're working on diffusing bombs, such as the paper ones. 

Trust me, those things hurt. They're grenades, minus the shrapnel. 

Back to the matter at hand, I've managed to skewer five so far. 

Oh, and it's been less than five seconds. My aim got better, so did my speed. 

"Another round, incoming!"

He tosses another few off his bird. 

These fall faster because of their size, which is significantly smaller than the previous few.

I skewer it with one of the bolts. Way to make a kebab out of explosive clay.

We get through two more rounds before I'm tuckered out, panting a little.

"Good one. I'm proud. That takes dedication, hm."

He high fives me.

——

"You're progressing well." Sasori looks at my jaw again, "any issues?"

"None besides the occasional voice cracks," I answer.

He thinks for a second. "As to be expected. Did Hidan give you any flack?"

I chuckle. "Not as much as I expected. He taught me something about getting rid of em."

He tries to smile. "He's accepting, that's good. Any injuries from your sparring session?"

I shake my head. "Not that I'm aware of. He's not insane enough to try using a C4 in the middle of the village."

He manages to crack a smile. "I was partnered with him for five years, it's something he'd do if he weren't in this situation. Then again, if I weren't in this situation, I wouldn't have a medical license."

"Very true." I chuckle, stepping down and putting my jacket back on, "Thanks, Sasori."

\----

Hidan practically jumps over me attempting to fluff my hair, "How's my little bro doing? The voice cracks going away?" He smiles.

"Yeah... For the most part. I swear my shoulders look wider now too!"

"Good to hear it, Kai. Plus, your arms are looking better, even with that scar!"

He pats the mark. "Not to mention you've got abs now! Hell, you'd be able to hit me pretty hard in a fight." 

I lift my shirt a bit. Apparently, I do have abs now. The euphoria I get from that...

"I would?"

"Of course ya would! Lightning and metal, remember?"

I nod. "Yeah that. I forgot about that."

"Do me a favor, Kai. Give yourself a bit more credit. You seem a bit shaken today." He gives me a suspecting brother look. Must've learned it from Dei...

"Maybe I am..."

He raises a brow. "Don't give me that tone, Kai. I know you. Whether it's your identity or the war that's on your mind, I know you well enough to say you'll be fine."

I sigh. "I've got mid chunin reserves at best, and some mediocre skills. How am I supposed to beat Madara Uchiha's apprentice?"

"You did it once, with Pein. You scared him into leaving. You did it with Yagura. He was afraid of you, Kai. If you can scare Mr. Simp, I think you can win. Reserves or not." He reassures.

"I'll believe you, just this once." I roll my eyes.

\---

Did any of that make any sense? No. Did it need to? No. 

I needed a small recap and a transition. After all, I've got a bit of a huge battle coming up.

What I'm getting at is that sometimes we all need a smile or six. So here are your smiles.

This may be Kai from the future, also known as all-knowing narrator Kai, but seriously.

All I'm giving you is that nobody dies. It's good to know that, ya know? That and Hidan and I tied (1v1 fists only style).

Sorry if you came looking for a good story this time, you'll get one in the war. I promise that.

\---

A/n: I literally cannot write this chapter anymore. Hence why it's so much shorter. I've completely run out of ideas for this chapter, it is utter shit.

excuse that.

I'll write a holiday bit if yall want it.

cya. expect the war soon. 

hah I'm on three braincells rn


	24. Chapter 23: I haven't a clue what's going on here so i forgot to make an actual title

I woke up the next morning with a summons from Gaara. What a perfectly good way to start your day...

What happened last night if it was enough to get a summons to his office? Did someone die or something? The village didn't look destroyed from my window, so it wouldn't be war. Whatever it was, seeing a hawk perched at my window with a note tied to it was freaky at best. 

I untied the note from its leg, letting the bird go on its way. The sand loved their messenger birds.

I'm not reading exactly what it said for times sakes, but it went along the lines of "urgent summons from the Kazekage."

So, at seven in the morning, I was full panic mode, frantically dressing myself, throwing some spray in my hair, grabbing my weapons pouch, and getting the hell over to the office. 

All while panicking that someone died, or that something out of my view had been destroyed. 

Nothing ended up happening that I was panicked about, by the way. My brain tends to overreact. A lot.

I knock on Gaara's door after having ran up the (many) stairs. Not fun when you're wearing a binder. 

"Come in!" 

He opens the door for me. 

"I'm assuming you don't know why I called for this?" He asks.

I'm still out of breath. "Haven't a clue."

"Well, sadly, it still pertains to the war, but more of a fighting force. We haven't received anything from Tobi as of recent, which I suppose is a good thing."

"I'd say it is. No news is good news in times like these."

He laughs. "I'm getting off topic aren't I? Well, we've got visitors to see today, hence my calling you. Follow me."

I follow behind him out of the office (which had many cacti), down the stairs I ran up five minutes ago, and to a meeting hall. 

Well, room. It wasn't really that big. 

"Well, now we can officially get to business."

I thought we started getting to business earlier? 

All of a sudden, two shadows, one tall, one short (very short) emerge from the poorly lit room. Now, that might seem only mildly frightening, but when you're prepared for an attack, you panic a lot. 

"Kisame, Yagura. Please flick on the lights next time. I believe you've scared Kai."

They did, I'll say that...

"Our apologies, Lord." Kisame looks like he's blushing, not in a romantic way, but in an 'I'm embarrassed out of my fucking mind way'. He looks purple.

"Please, call me Gaara." He smiles, reaching out a hand.

I side eye all of them, confused as to why I was called at 7 in the morning. 

Kisame jumps a bit. "Oh yeah, you're probably confused, eh squirt?"

Did he just... call me.. squirt? I can't say I dislike it...

"You could say that again..." I mutter.

Yagura steps in. "We've managed to recover two of the seven swords. The Kiba blades and Nuibari, actually. We've yet to find the locations of the others."

I nod. "The spiky one and the long one, right?"

Yagura sighs. "In simple terms, yes. I'm afraid the wielders from my time haven't been alive since Kisame's defection. We're in the process of evaluating the current potential wielders now, though. We need all the help we can get."

"On our side, we've been training and gathering all possible weapons invade of an attack. We've upped the guard. We considered putting up a glass sphere before realizing we wouldn't have the time for it." Gaara interjects. 

Yagura takes a deep breath. "On the more important side, I'm considering not stepping back up to my post. As insane as it sounds, it's hard to look at the things that happened. I've kept a rather low profile, but even then, you can tell that I'm not well liked. The current Mizukage is powerful, and trust me, she fought for that position."

"So, you're not going back?" I ask. 

"No, I'm not," he nods. "I'm considering becoming a jonin again, working to retrieve the swords and atone for what I did."

I try to speak up. "But-"

"It was still me, kid. And I'll be damned if I don't try to fix it."

Gaara speaks up. "As for Tobi, is there any word on him?"

"Not much, if any at all. No complaints of a masked man. Sensors haven't picked up anything." Kisame tells us. 

"Same on our side... sometimes no news is good news, it seems." Gaara nearly sighs. 

"Now, we've got some good news for you all." Kisame starts. 

"Kisame got reinstated as a jonin and official swordsman by the mizukage herself. Don't ask me how, but he did." 

"Well, not entirely. I'm on a two year surveillance period, considering what I did, but it's damn lucky I managed to. I thank the swordsman aspect of me for that."

Samehada speaks a little. "I know girl, I'm thanking you."

He shoots Yagura a look and he leaves the room, presumably to grab something.

"Wanna pet her?" He asks, taking Samehada off his back. 

I nod, putting my hand out. 

"I suggest petting her head. She likes that."

I follow him. She's soft and not attempting to murder me, which is nice. She gives a happy squeak, like a dolphin. 

Yagura comes in with a giant case, like a saxophone case or guitar case, setting it on the table. Kisame takes Samehada and returns her to his back, rubbing his palms together. I assume he knows what's in the case. 

"Now, you might wonder how I got access to this, or how I even got the damn permissions to do this, but trust me. I was allowed." He says. "Open it up. It's yours."

I open the two latches, lifting the lid.

No. Fucking. Way. 

"You're serious? Isn't this yours?"

"You seem to forget you saved my life, and that I'm one of the strongest nin the mist has."

I laugh. "Right. That." 

"They're yours, Kai. Use them well."

I take one of the blades, running my hand along the full side. It looks like it did in the show, but better. The thing practically gleams. There's the three spikes on alternating sides. By the look of the sharp edge, it's just been to a blacksmith.

"Yagura, I'm not even from the mist! Aren't the swordsman a mist thing?"

He smiles. "As much as they are, I have permission like I said. Mei herself said that you deserved this. And I'm serious about you taking those. I insist."

I take the second one out of its case. It's identical to the other. They're beautiful.

If you can't tell what I'm trying to show not tell, Yagura gave me something damn important, that I'm not even sure I should have. The Kiba blades. 

I have no clue how he did it, but they're mine, I guess. The blades are absolutely beautiful, shiny, freshly polished, I'd assume.

"As much as those old wielders are six feet under, you can still benefit from these, even without the mastery or teaching. It'll give you the upper hand in this fight."

I smiled and brought him in for a hug, thanking him for going through the trouble of this. 

And with that, they exited the building and went on their way. After saying goodbye, of course. 

Part of me couldn't shake the anxiety. I estimated one or two days before the attack happened. We were prepared for anything and everything the bastard could throw at us. 

I slept that night with the swords locked up beside me, ready for anything the next morning. 

———

I'm sorry this took so long

Ya human was unmotivated 

But hey

I pulled a bullshit no jutsu and now Kai has cool swords

Because I can

I'm tired

And writing this in math class

Yeet

-user0126


	25. Chapter Twenty-Four: Rain Metaphors

There wasn't a cloud cover in suna very often. The city seldom had clouds due to the lack of water. These clouds, however, weren't like the normal ones we'd have. They looked almost like storm clouds.

On any other day, we'd rejoice and be happy for the rain. 

Today I took it as a warning, an omen, a sign of things yet to come: 

So, that morning, when I looked and saw the storm headed our way, I donned my shinobi gear and kept my blades at my back. Today's outlook didn't seem any good. 

I tied the knot on my headband, finishing up by throwing some spray gel in my hair. I skipped the septum piercing, just in case. I kept the swords in a sheath on my back, which almost made them look like they weren't two of the mists' infamous weapons. 

I may have been a little paranoid. Of course, I was, storm clouds and a war threat worked well together. 

When I stepped out of my apartment, it was shockingly cold. Cold by suna's standards, at least. A full ten Fahrenheit lower by my estimations. 

Suna didn't do cold. Today was an anomaly. None of us looked like we were sweating. Heck, some people looked chilled. I took it as a warning. 

You could see traces of the sunrise glinting off the clouds.

A warm pink. We must've had a red sunrise in the morning. 

The coincidence of all three things brought me back to a history class. Red sky in morning, sailors take warning. Red sky at night, sailors delight. The final one I'd learned was from my cousin, way back when. Scalloped sky, not long dry. 

We had those clouds no more than two days ago. 

I didn't like it today. I didn't like today one bit. 

A weight hung in the air. You could call it humidity, but humidity never felt like this. Thick and heavy didn't feel the same.

When the sand would usually be in the upper 100's just after dawn, the sand felt cooler. I took that as another omen. 

I brought myself to the local tea shop I always enjoyed. I needed a break, anyway. Not from work, considering I hadn't done any but from the world. I needed some me-time. Some time to hope that my suspicions weren't right. 

Even over a warm cup of chamomile, I still couldn't shake it. 

I politely left the shop, tipping the server as I left. 

The clouds only drew closer as I walked, going nowhere. I didn't feel like bumping into anyone either.

Everyone else looked like they were fine like they didn't notice the change in atmosphere. The town went on as usual, despite the circumstances being fairly unusual. 

The first rumble of thunderstruck four hours later, indicating a storm. 

I watched the villagers run in, not wanting to be struck by the lightning. The air-only got heavier.

Thirty minutes later, the first bolt of lightning struck. 

You could see the mark it made on the sand, heating it. It almost looked glass-like, probably because glass is hot sand. I still didn't like it. Even in my apartment, the air continued to get thicker,

Not even five minutes later, the rain poured. 

And it poured.

And poured.

The air only got heavier, like a weight on my shoulders. 

When the clock struck noon, the weight snapped. Like someone stepping on a twig, it was broken. The air felt light. 

The rain had ceased entirely. 

Not just the rain, but the clouds. Any trace that it'd rained had completely up and went. Just like that, it was gone. 

As I looked outside, there was one thing that replaced it.

A man, standing tall in the sky, in a very familiar cloak.

Him.

The man we'd been waiting for.

The opposite of the man of the hour.

The man none of us wanted to see.

Obito Uchiha himself.

The man in the lollipop mask was too deluded over a dead lover to notice he was nuts. 

The man who started a war over unrequited love.

He didn't even hesitate to show his face this time.

He'd stopped hiding. He was out in the open, with what I could see as a shit-eating grin. 

He'd managed to fly past our security and was just being noticed.

In that split second, an alarm blared. 

A horrible, horrible, noise emitted from the speakers, warning any civilians to take cover and find shelter

I didn't know what to do here besides follow the protocol, blade drawn running toward the Kage's office out of sheer panic. 

"Gaara, get your ass out there, it's gone time!" I yell. He's already on his sand platform. Seeing me, he yanks me up onto it, flying to where Obito is. 

I draw my second sword, gripping it tightly, palms sweating. Any force we had was out in the town, protecting civilians or waiting on an order. 

We reach him, weapons drawn, pissed off to high hell.

"Ohoho... it seems I've attracted an audience... how cute." He chuckles. I want to rip the shit-eating grin off of his face right now. I'm having a hard time controlling my impulses. I fucking hate him even more already. 

"What's wrong, have I angered you?" He raises an eyebrow.

I grit my teeth, Gaara trying to calm me down. "Yes, yes you have," 

I have no clue why I'm so angry. I really don't. Part of me thinks it's the greed and the thoughts, the other part of me wants to let him off the hook a bit. His taunts anger me too. I can't stand being looked down on. 

"I'd like to remind you of why I'm here... indirectly, you took away mine, and not only mine but the world's chance at a utopia. A place where nothing can go wrong. A place where all are loved. A place where I still have the woman I love."

He speaks with a tone I could only describe as an Emo anime villain, exactly what he is. 

I shake my head. "You point fingers at me without noticing the fact you were manipulated. I know who trained you, Obito. I know what he actually wanted. It wasn't you. It was power."

If that wasn't the most bullshit no Jutsu thing I've said all day, I'm not sure what was. At least it looked cool. 

"And what would you know about losing someone you love?" He remarks

Oh sunshine, I know fucking plenty about that... I lost my entire home universe.

"Let's just say I've had a few of those experiences before... and I know how much it hurts. What differentiates us is that I've been able to get over it enough to know that they aren't coming back. You don't seem to know that putting the world under a genjutsu won't help you."

He smirks. "How about we test that theory."

He charges forward at me. I duck under, preparing a strike with my blade. 

"The Kiba blades, huh? Impressive that you managed to find those." He chuckles.

I continue to block his attempted hits. "Thank the Mizukage."

He attempts to hit me in the back. "You mean the one that I led to you?"

I parry him again, with a kick to his stomach. "No, the one whose life I saved from your grimy hands."

The adrenaline rushes. I find the feeling a mix of good and bad. This is just heating up. 

He flips through a few signs, Sharingan blazing. "Fire Style: Fireball Jutsu."

Oh, how very classic.

I can feel the fire as I dodge it. It nearly hits me. A close call. 

"Classic, eh?" I smirk.

"It sure is."

I tighten my grip on the blades, channeling my chakra through them both. 

"Well then. I'll show you something of mine."


	26. Chapter Twenty-Five: Fights with An Edgelord: Part 2

Where were we? Oh yeah. That extremely intense battle scene. Oh, how fun. 

All I can see is him. All I can feel is the rushing wind and parried fists. All I can hear is my heartbeat. 

I hate tunnel vision like this with all of my beings. It's annoying. 

Part of me completely forgets Gaara is here. The other part wonders why he hasn't hopped in. I know he's watching the civilians, making sure they're ok. 

I look down. 

A very bad idea. I'm high up above the city. All that's beneath me is air and sand. 

And people. Lots of people running for home. 

If we got any closer to the town, we'd destroy it. Even with the height of the walls (where we were), a Jutsu could easily destroy the homes and buildings. 

Think on your feet, Kai. 

My current thought process was dodging, parrying, defensive strategy, and getting the hell away from the town. He may have been fine with casualties, but I certainly was not. 

I sign a few signals to Gaara, a simplified edition of my plan. He looked down, just as I had, noticing the danger to the public. 

I thank my hospital time for teaching me the more logical side of fighting. 

I've got an upper hand with my blades, a lower with my stature. I've got a solid eight inches to grow before I'll hit his height. He's got an upper hand in expertise too, being taught by Madara motherfucking Uchiha. I don't think that the Akatsuki members I was taught by would be on his level, even if together. 

The current state of the fight was us using our fists. It wasn't fun, and all it's leave was bruises, but at least I wasn't dodging Kamui fireballs. 

Now, for my plan. 

I rotated a 180 so my back faced the village, going in for a backslash with my blade (yes, I did still have that out). I miss it as he turns around as I expected. 

To answer your burning questions, he has a sword too. Just not a cool one. However, it is very sharp. (And not Madara's gunbai.)

"Nice try, shortie."

"Nice block, scarface."

Little does he know that's a character from a very vulgar movie back home...

Unfortunately, the movie references would have to wait to see that I'd poked the bear and made him a little mad.

Can you blame me? I'm a bit homesick. 

He gave me a glare in response, attempting to strike me.

I hatched a second plan, this time an offensive one. Since my blades were made to channel chakra, I could hit his with mine, and shock it. You know, metal and conductivity. Kinda the reason I'm here, and the reason I managed to win against Pein.

So I do. I move a small enough amount that I'll be effective, but not enough it's obvious. And yes, I do not care that he has a Sharingan and can probably see me doing this. It's worth the damn try.

Did I mention I'm still getting farther and farther from the village? I am. 

Another swing at me, and a hit.

It's not enough to cause any kind of major damage, but it's enough to scare the bitch. 

"Those blades... specially made, right? One of Kiri's famous? Well, I'd expect nothing less.."

"Thanks for the compliment, I guess..." Our swords clash again, still making sparks. 

He looks eager to do something. "How about we... heat this up."

If he wasn't enough of my enemy, he's now my worst enemy. Puns do not fit with battle. 

He weaves through six seals, the same fireball he used earlier. 

Since lighting doesn't beat fire, I'm going to need to dodge this one. 

This one is larger than last time by the looks of it. Its also very hot, as fire is. A sidestep should do for this. 

As expected, I can dodge it. As unexpected, my shoulder nearly gets burnt by it. Yes, it hurts a lot. 

I may have shouted "fuck." Pretty loud. 

I get no comments from the resident edgelord about that, however. 

I come up with what feels like the eighth plan today as I look down, noticing how far we are from the gates. I shake my hands a bit. Obito and I are far enough apart I can aim at him safely.

Raising my left sword to the sky, I charge a bolt. I can't use too many of these (I have small reserves still, better, but still high chunin at best) . I funnel my chakra into it, sending the energy skyward to make the cloud I'll need. 

Here we go.

Obito is watching the cloud with intent, wondering whatever the hell I'm doing. I'm sure he already knows. 

Luckily, he hasn't seen this one yet. 

Flipping through the four seals, I keep my sword raised to the sky. Through gritted teeth I utter a command.

"Strikedown."

A bolt flies from the blade, to the cloud, to the air in front of us. Smaller bolts split from the base, creating a blinding light. 

The small bolts do their job, the job being to be both a hindrance and an offensive move. 

It takes a second for the light to clear. When it does, pride swells in me. I managed to get a hit. Parts of his cloak are in ruins from the smaller bolts, the largest one has managed to create a burn across his upper abdomen. It's nearly bleeding. 

"As much as I am humble, I know my own strength. How about we give up the swords and fists and fight like equals?"

I glare.

He lets out a huff and smirks. "You could barely hurt a fly, but I'll humor you. If it's a quick defeat you want, I'll give it to you."

I raise my right sword to my chest with my left. "Bring it on."

In a flash, he's behind me. Motherfucker is fast. Luckily I've been working on my speed (being a lightning user, speed is very important.) 

Before he can weave the seals, I grab his hand and throw him over me, jumping back to gain some distance. 

"I thought we said no more play fighting? Show me what you've got." I say through my still gritted teeth.

In hindsight I should not have said that, considering what he does next.

"Fire Release: Majestic Demolisher!"

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

That's the thing Madara uses in the war arc. The big scary danger thing. I'm really going to need to dodge this.

Spoiler; I only half dodge it. Everything moves so fast it takes me a few seconds to feel that half my body is completely aflame, burnt. Any exposed skin is going to need a ton of surgery, one of the spots on my left hand is nearly numb because of my fried nerve endings. I'm in too much shock to feel most of the pain. The pain I can feel hurts like hell. Hell is firey, after all.

It's a damn good thing I'm righty dominant. Even then, my clothes are burnt, my arm is bleeding.. my leg is burnt too. Not a lot, but my foot has its share. It's only first degree there, while my hand is definitely third. 

I didn't want to end up using this, soley because I know how much it exhausts me, but in this state I don't think I can't. 

I sound very cliched, but believe me, I do not like doing this. It's better to get this over with now though, before the shock leaves me. 

"I'd start this with some cliche line, but I'm too exhausted for that." I lower my arms, channeling chakra. "Trust me when I say this is poweful."

The buzz returns. The buzz I never mentioned in the prior chapters, because I wanted to be sneaky. 

I'm shrouded in it now. 

Here we freakin go.

————-

A/N; he's using the lighting cloak the raikage uses. Somehow it's only a B rank. 

The battle has one or two more parts left, so get ready for that.

Comments, questions, or concerns? Comment and lemme know.

Hope you enjoyed this!

-Cas


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